There are sometimes in this life of mine that I feel like a complete odd ball. The one that doesn't fit in, the one that is on the outside looking in.
These past couple of weeks have been those sometimes.
Growing up I kind of always felt different than other kids. I was the one that that belonged to all the cliques, and didn't pick favorites. I was friends with the highschoolers and the elementry school kids. I hung out with everybody and I did my best to try and make sure everyone felt wanted. Even at the small age of nine and ten I knew I wasn't going to date. I had it set in my mind and all my friends knew.
At that point in my life everyone else was on the same page.
As I have grown up my ideas and ideals really haven't changed. But maybe that's the problem. I haven't changed. Ugh, I don't know.
It's really dissapointing to think you fit in somewhere and then life gets in the way and suddenly you feel out of place. In an alternate universe. On the outside looking in. Different. Alien.
This is a feeling I have dealt with alot over the past six years, and it was one that I had hoped to not feel again. Unfortunately it sneaks up on me when I least expect it.
I sometimes think I let myself fall into this trap of alienation.
Is it possible I set myself up for this feeling? For rejection?
I don't know.
Or maybe I get in these situations and then I turn my back and lie low. Maybe I end up in these situations because I don't face them head on and take it and work my way through it?
Possibly.
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