I Have Found by Kim Walker
I have found a peace that plows on through the storm.
I have found a joy that jumps over sadness.
I have found a love that lights up every room.
I have found, I've found You!
You are all I want, You are all I need,
Everything my heart could hope for.
We are longing for, the Glory of the Lord,
Cause we know there's so much more!
I have found a trust that teaches how to rest.
I have found a grace that guides me by the hand.
I have found a strength that stands like a mountain.
And I have found, I've found You!
-------------------------------------------------
In the beginning God created the Heavens and the earth. In the beginning God created mankind, made in His image, perfect and pure. Then, with one bite death enters the world. The creation has become tainted. But God in all His glory makes a promise - a promise they we will one day, once again, be able to be in His presence clean and pure, justified, stains removed.
Today, although we still struggle with sins and temptations, we can have hope. Why? Because the Creator of the universe has given us a Savior that has saved us from being eternally separated from God. God has redeemed our sins and made us once again clean and pure.
We wrestle with the things of this world and we struggle with fleshly desires and sins. We forget about the big picture and what God has done for us. We forget that God sacrificed His own flesh and blood, His only Son do die for us so that we, His unrighteous children could once again find favor in His sight, that in His eyes we can once again be found righteous.
God is the Lover of our hearts, our souls. He longs for relationship with us and will stop at nothing in order to have that relationship. The thing about God though is that He won't push us. God, my friends, is a gentleman and although He so desperately longs for a relationship, He won't push into something we aren't ready for.
My goal is wake up every morning, knowing that God loves me. My prayer is that, just how God is the Lover of my heart and soul, that I would be the lover of His. That I would intentionally seek Him, that I would realize everyday that He is the only one that can fill my soul, that no other thing will do. That I would wake up, praises on my lips, scripture on my heart, and filled with joy. That He would be the only thing I long for, hope for, knowing that He is so much more than anything on this planet earth.
I want God to be my everything.
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Blessings. (a.k.a. to sum up the recent days...)
God is so much bigger than our situation.
The last couple days have been a whirlwind to say the least. Finals, friends, and overall school and relationship stuff has been really weighing my thoughts the last couple of days...
For those who know me and have seen me get nervous, I must admit, I am not the funnest person. My stomach develops a pit in it, my thoughts wander and I am really distracted, my palms sweat and my hands shake. It's just not pretty.
The last couple of days I have fallen prey to this disease and let me tell you, it's not fun. Stress does weird things to people, especially to people like me who over-analyze everything.
The good news is my friends, God works everything out for our good. He hears our prayers and the desires of our hearts. He is a compassionate God who takes pride in His children. God is truly amazing, you guys and I think that is one fact I really tend to take for granted or forget. I forget how good He is and how much He's blessed me with.
Despite the anxiousness I felt this morning, I am now completely at peace in my situation. I realize that God has everything under control and all I have to do is listen and be patient. During this time in my life, I have really come to understand certain things about myself, but I think, I know, there's alot more I need to learn.... but I think that's why I am ok with where I'm at. I have a God who loves, amazing God-sent friends, and a family that sticks with me no matter what. I am so blessed you guys, it's unexplainable. I feel indescribably happy and at peace right now. God's voice is the only one that matters...
So, now I wait. I wait patiently and I wait contently, knowing that God is a great and loving God who knows exactly what I need and when. I wait knowing that His timing is absolutely perfect...
I am blessed.
The last couple days have been a whirlwind to say the least. Finals, friends, and overall school and relationship stuff has been really weighing my thoughts the last couple of days...
For those who know me and have seen me get nervous, I must admit, I am not the funnest person. My stomach develops a pit in it, my thoughts wander and I am really distracted, my palms sweat and my hands shake. It's just not pretty.
The last couple of days I have fallen prey to this disease and let me tell you, it's not fun. Stress does weird things to people, especially to people like me who over-analyze everything.
The good news is my friends, God works everything out for our good. He hears our prayers and the desires of our hearts. He is a compassionate God who takes pride in His children. God is truly amazing, you guys and I think that is one fact I really tend to take for granted or forget. I forget how good He is and how much He's blessed me with.
Despite the anxiousness I felt this morning, I am now completely at peace in my situation. I realize that God has everything under control and all I have to do is listen and be patient. During this time in my life, I have really come to understand certain things about myself, but I think, I know, there's alot more I need to learn.... but I think that's why I am ok with where I'm at. I have a God who loves, amazing God-sent friends, and a family that sticks with me no matter what. I am so blessed you guys, it's unexplainable. I feel indescribably happy and at peace right now. God's voice is the only one that matters...
So, now I wait. I wait patiently and I wait contently, knowing that God is a great and loving God who knows exactly what I need and when. I wait knowing that His timing is absolutely perfect...
I am blessed.
Thursday, December 10, 2009
P is for Purity.
According to the U.S. Department Bureau of Justice Statistics, American students spend approximately $5.5 billion on alcohol a year; that’s more than they spend on soda, tea, milk, juice, coffee or books combined.
-The percent of students reporting street gang presence at school nearly doubled between 1989 and 1995, increasing from 15.3% to 28.4%.
-7 in 10 girls in the U.S. have had sex before the age of 14
-An estimated 2.1 million people began smoking on a daily basis in 1997. More than half of these new daily smokers were younger than age 18.
What does it mean to be a generation that seeks the face of God? What does it look like to be a generation that has clean hands and pure hearts, which goes against the flow and follows hard after God no matter what the world may say? It certainly isn’t what the stats exhibit.
Today is the day to rise up and become that Pure Generation. Today I want to persuade you to be that generation.
1 John 3 says “Behold what manner of love the Father has bestowed on us, that we should be called children of God! Therefore the world does not know us, because it did not know Him. Beloved, now we are children of God; and it has not been revealed what we shall be, but we know when He is revealed, we shall be like Him, for we shall see Him as He is. And everyone who has this hope in Him purifies himself, just as He is pure”.
Pastors all over the U.S. and other parts of the world have pushed the “pure movement” but I think a lot of people fail to realize that purity isn’t just about not having sex before marriage, its WAY more!
God wants us to be pure in not only our “love lives” but with our spiritual, physical, and mental “lives” as well. And this doesn’t just include your thought process. Purity isn’t a sex thing, or just a head thing, it’s a heart thing.
My life is patterned with moments of un-pureness. I have gotten mad at my roommate, my parents, my brother, my friends, you name someone, and I have probably gotten frustrated with them at least once. My driving habits could do with a little more purity; tailgating or yelling at the driver in front of me is probably not something that brings my God joy, let alone a smile. Thinking not so pure thoughts about a professor that has really gotten on my nerves probably not the most God-like thing I could have done. Gossiping with girls on my floor, not probably the most loving thing to do.
Pure comes from the Greek word Hagnos (Hag-noss), meaning clean, modest, undefiled, morally faultless and without blemish. And it actually comes from the same root as the word Hagious, meaning holy. Through God’s grace and compassion, and the sending of His Son down, through Jesus Christ’s sacrifice and unconditional love we now have the capacity to mimic Jesus, to be holy as He is holy. We can now strive after what’s right because we know the “greener” side.
So, purity, what does that mean? Purity comes in many different forms. The New Testament frequently talks about loving purely. 1 Peter 1 talks about loving sincerely and loving each other with a pure heart and not just that special someone, but loving everyone. Jesus talks about “loving others just as you love yourself” but what does this actually look like? Loving someone doesn’t have to be showing physical affection! How about buying the person in back of you their coffee at the Aerie or Starbucks? How about thanking your professor after a lecture for putting the time to teach? How about thanking the people who do the dishes at Caf for being so giving of their time and appreciating their work?
Actions are another aspect where purity can take root. Actions are based on intentions, so really making sure our intentions are pure is a good start. When you cut that person off on the freeway, what was your intent?
My mom growing up would constantly ask us if we were unsure about a situation “What are you committed to cause?” So what are we committed to cause as followers of Christ, as students, as friends, as boyfriends, as girlfriends, as employees, as people? What are the intentions behind our actions? What were we committed to cause when we cut off that car on the freeway, when we got mad at a friend, when we cheated on that exam, when we told that little white lie? What were we committed to cause? Were we trying to make ourselves look better, put someone down, or were we trying to be the “Jesus” in that situation?
For my Christian Thought I like, I’m sure many of you, had to read Ortberg’s “Life You’ve Always Wanted”. In this book Ortberg talks about living with a well-ordered heart. This chapter really hit home for me because I know I can kind of put God and purity on the back burner in my life. And it’s not about being pure AND living life, it’s about being pure WHILE living life. Incorporating purity into our daily routines and not just doing it to check it off our to-do list. Ortberg says that “when the heart is well-ordered it is not only increasingly free from sin, but also increasingly free from the desire to sin”. What does this mean? It means that when we can put God back on the pedestal where He belongs, the pursuit of purity gets easier, and this is how we are able to attain holiness, just as He is holy. Imagine a world filled with people who are all pursuing holiness and purity. Tabloids sold at grocery stores would be filled with stories about acts of lavish generosity and spontaneous sacrifice committed by noncelebrities we have never heard of. Television shows would be about men who secretly desire to dress as men. People would ask “how are you?” and really want to know what’s going on in the other person’s life. Intentions would be focused on what’s pleasing to God and edifying to other people, rather than us.
How can we start living a life of purity? So glad you asked!
Number one: begin to become more aware of your surroundings and the situations around you. A lot of the time with school and stress we will get so caught up in the “big” things that we won’t focus on the little things. We will talk and think without even realizing what we’re doing until it’s too late. Solution? Become more attentive to the things that are going on around you. Ask God to open up not only your physical eyes but your spiritual eyes as well. Only through becoming more aware will we be able to notice how we’re actually acting and what we’re actually saying.
Number two: read your bible. The only way we can ever to be holy, just as He is holy is to actually find out how Jesus acted. By reading the Gospels we can learn how Jesus went about treating and talking to other people. Only by really digging into scripture are we able to see what Christ was committed to cause.
The life of pursuing purity isn’t an easy and sometimes isn’t the most fun one. I know I have had to back out of situations where I know I wouldn’t have able to pursue pure things, like a late night movie where the movie really isn’t the best I could be watching, or not hanging out with a group of friends that would be inevitably be drinking before the night was through. Sometimes yeah, we might not feel that “cool”, but then we have to ask ourselves, what’s cool? For me, I always have to come back to the fact that God’s ways are so much cooler than anything else, and I know that pursuing His ways will lead me to something so much better than the world has to offer, and let me tell you, the reward is so much greater!
Today, I persuade you, no I challenge you to be the Pure generation. To go against the flow and pursue purity! Believe me, its well worth it!
-The percent of students reporting street gang presence at school nearly doubled between 1989 and 1995, increasing from 15.3% to 28.4%.
-7 in 10 girls in the U.S. have had sex before the age of 14
-An estimated 2.1 million people began smoking on a daily basis in 1997. More than half of these new daily smokers were younger than age 18.
What does it mean to be a generation that seeks the face of God? What does it look like to be a generation that has clean hands and pure hearts, which goes against the flow and follows hard after God no matter what the world may say? It certainly isn’t what the stats exhibit.
Today is the day to rise up and become that Pure Generation. Today I want to persuade you to be that generation.
1 John 3 says “Behold what manner of love the Father has bestowed on us, that we should be called children of God! Therefore the world does not know us, because it did not know Him. Beloved, now we are children of God; and it has not been revealed what we shall be, but we know when He is revealed, we shall be like Him, for we shall see Him as He is. And everyone who has this hope in Him purifies himself, just as He is pure”.
Pastors all over the U.S. and other parts of the world have pushed the “pure movement” but I think a lot of people fail to realize that purity isn’t just about not having sex before marriage, its WAY more!
God wants us to be pure in not only our “love lives” but with our spiritual, physical, and mental “lives” as well. And this doesn’t just include your thought process. Purity isn’t a sex thing, or just a head thing, it’s a heart thing.
My life is patterned with moments of un-pureness. I have gotten mad at my roommate, my parents, my brother, my friends, you name someone, and I have probably gotten frustrated with them at least once. My driving habits could do with a little more purity; tailgating or yelling at the driver in front of me is probably not something that brings my God joy, let alone a smile. Thinking not so pure thoughts about a professor that has really gotten on my nerves probably not the most God-like thing I could have done. Gossiping with girls on my floor, not probably the most loving thing to do.
Pure comes from the Greek word Hagnos (Hag-noss), meaning clean, modest, undefiled, morally faultless and without blemish. And it actually comes from the same root as the word Hagious, meaning holy. Through God’s grace and compassion, and the sending of His Son down, through Jesus Christ’s sacrifice and unconditional love we now have the capacity to mimic Jesus, to be holy as He is holy. We can now strive after what’s right because we know the “greener” side.
So, purity, what does that mean? Purity comes in many different forms. The New Testament frequently talks about loving purely. 1 Peter 1 talks about loving sincerely and loving each other with a pure heart and not just that special someone, but loving everyone. Jesus talks about “loving others just as you love yourself” but what does this actually look like? Loving someone doesn’t have to be showing physical affection! How about buying the person in back of you their coffee at the Aerie or Starbucks? How about thanking your professor after a lecture for putting the time to teach? How about thanking the people who do the dishes at Caf for being so giving of their time and appreciating their work?
Actions are another aspect where purity can take root. Actions are based on intentions, so really making sure our intentions are pure is a good start. When you cut that person off on the freeway, what was your intent?
My mom growing up would constantly ask us if we were unsure about a situation “What are you committed to cause?” So what are we committed to cause as followers of Christ, as students, as friends, as boyfriends, as girlfriends, as employees, as people? What are the intentions behind our actions? What were we committed to cause when we cut off that car on the freeway, when we got mad at a friend, when we cheated on that exam, when we told that little white lie? What were we committed to cause? Were we trying to make ourselves look better, put someone down, or were we trying to be the “Jesus” in that situation?
For my Christian Thought I like, I’m sure many of you, had to read Ortberg’s “Life You’ve Always Wanted”. In this book Ortberg talks about living with a well-ordered heart. This chapter really hit home for me because I know I can kind of put God and purity on the back burner in my life. And it’s not about being pure AND living life, it’s about being pure WHILE living life. Incorporating purity into our daily routines and not just doing it to check it off our to-do list. Ortberg says that “when the heart is well-ordered it is not only increasingly free from sin, but also increasingly free from the desire to sin”. What does this mean? It means that when we can put God back on the pedestal where He belongs, the pursuit of purity gets easier, and this is how we are able to attain holiness, just as He is holy. Imagine a world filled with people who are all pursuing holiness and purity. Tabloids sold at grocery stores would be filled with stories about acts of lavish generosity and spontaneous sacrifice committed by noncelebrities we have never heard of. Television shows would be about men who secretly desire to dress as men. People would ask “how are you?” and really want to know what’s going on in the other person’s life. Intentions would be focused on what’s pleasing to God and edifying to other people, rather than us.
How can we start living a life of purity? So glad you asked!
Number one: begin to become more aware of your surroundings and the situations around you. A lot of the time with school and stress we will get so caught up in the “big” things that we won’t focus on the little things. We will talk and think without even realizing what we’re doing until it’s too late. Solution? Become more attentive to the things that are going on around you. Ask God to open up not only your physical eyes but your spiritual eyes as well. Only through becoming more aware will we be able to notice how we’re actually acting and what we’re actually saying.
Number two: read your bible. The only way we can ever to be holy, just as He is holy is to actually find out how Jesus acted. By reading the Gospels we can learn how Jesus went about treating and talking to other people. Only by really digging into scripture are we able to see what Christ was committed to cause.
The life of pursuing purity isn’t an easy and sometimes isn’t the most fun one. I know I have had to back out of situations where I know I wouldn’t have able to pursue pure things, like a late night movie where the movie really isn’t the best I could be watching, or not hanging out with a group of friends that would be inevitably be drinking before the night was through. Sometimes yeah, we might not feel that “cool”, but then we have to ask ourselves, what’s cool? For me, I always have to come back to the fact that God’s ways are so much cooler than anything else, and I know that pursuing His ways will lead me to something so much better than the world has to offer, and let me tell you, the reward is so much greater!
Today, I persuade you, no I challenge you to be the Pure generation. To go against the flow and pursue purity! Believe me, its well worth it!
Sunday, November 22, 2009
::.faith communication project.::
For my Christian Thought we were told to explain our faith. We were told we could do anything from writing a song to painting to making a video - I wrote a story....
She had no idea how long she had been walking for. Hours, days, weeks, they all ran together. Her thoughts were a blur between the past, present, and future, but she was determined, determined to make it to the end, to finish this journey, and to see Him.
She stumbled as she pushed her way across the long grasses of the valley. They were so high she couldn’t even see the sky above her. She fell to her knees, crouching on all fours like a weary animal. Doubt clouded her mind for a just a moment, but with a breath of sheer purpose, she got back up, once again making her way across the valley. Her journey had had its lows and highs. She knew she had come a long way from her beginning destination. That seemed like years ago. She remembered the King’s face when he had looked at her from across the courtroom. Whisperers spread across the room like wildfire. The King, who had been brutally murdered only three days before had miraculously been brought back to life again. Oh, yes, the courtroom had been busy with rumors. She had heard about His resurrection and had rushed to the castle without even thinking. Dropping her buckets of water, that she had just filled up, spilling water that had taken her so much effort to get, she ran across the village, down the dusty road, and into the courtroom, pushing past the rest of the people who had heard the same news as she. And there he was. Standing, in His power and grace, in the middle of the room, in a simple white sheet tied across the bottom half of his body. The sheet was muddy and blood stained. It was the same sheet he had been wearing only three days earlier when he had been hanged. The royal guards had tortured Him mercilessly, after the townspeople’s indignant cries to have him killed. She had no idea why the people wanted Him, their king, killed. He had done nothing wrong. She cried for hours after hearing of His punishment. How could they kill Him? He was innocent. Of all things guilty for, perhaps His greatest offense was having loved the town and village people. He had never spoken harshly with anyone; He had offered gifts and jobs to the neediest in the surrounding villages and towns. He had never lifted a hand to harm, only to help. Why did the people not remember the things He had done for them? Blinded by ignorance and pride, they longer saw Him fit for kingship, no longer fit for royalty. The guards had tortured Him and beaten Him senseless, and when He had no more strength left they dragged Him up to the gallows, His fate finally before Him. She had been at His hanging, tears soaking through her clothes. Her heart felt like a rock beneath her chest, she thought she would die along with Him. Placing the rope around her bruised neck, the crowd mocking His pain and good works, cheered and rioted from below. His eyes were closed, and tears ran down his bloodied cheeks. His body didn’t look human, too broken to be anything remotely close to alive. He was dying. She looked at Him, and still found Him beautiful and glorious. He was everything to her. She loved Him like a daughter loves her father. He had found a way into her heart, a way that was now being destroyed by the loud jeering of the crowd. The shouts were becoming more and more deafening, and the guards were taking in the scene with a smile. They pushed Him forward and tightened the rope around His neck. One guard had his hand on a nearby lever which would once and for all rid the kingdom of their king. The King opened His eyes, looking over the crowd until His gaze settled over the girl, the one person in the crowd weeping tears of sorrow for the man on the platform, the man with the rope around His neck. Looking up from the ground, their eyes met. A surge of strong admiration and compassion coursed through her veins and a look of complete love filled His face. I love you. I love My people. The thought came to her suddenly out of nowhere. It wasn’t her thought, but looking at Him standing and looking and her, He nodded. I love you, it repeated. She didn’t know how, but she knew it was His thoughts she was hearing. The cries of the crowd suddenly grew louder, the guard moved his hand on the lever and she looked away. The King was dead.
Her feet were now bleeding as she walked across the uneven ground. The day had turned into night, but no stars lit the sky. The moon seemed suspended in the blackness, unsure if it was supposed to be there or not. Her body ached all over, her hands numb to the biting cold that seemed to be rising from the ground. She came to a part in the valley where the grass wasn’t so high and slumped down, lying curled up on the hard earth. The valley got louder at night. Crickets chirped melodically as wind blew over the tall grass. She suddenly sat up. Something had snapped in the distance. Her body froze in fear. It had sounded like a twig, and she got the distinct feeling someone was close by. The hairs on the back of her neck rose, and her body started shaking in fear. The crickets stopped chirping and the wind suddenly grew quiet. In the complete darkness she looked around her. Looking once more to her left, she was gripped with panic, her breath lost in her lungs. A shadow moved across the grass, drawing closer and closer to where she was sitting. She had been followed, and she knew who it was. The shadow slinked closer still. “My name is Fear”, he hissed. His voice was smooth and poisonous, and she stood up slowly, wanting to run away with everything she had, knowing full well is she did, he could chase her and catch her. The cold night seemed to get colder as she stood, silently staring as the shadow, named Fear closed around her, his breath hot on the back of her neck.
“Why don’t you run?”
“I am not afraid”, she answered with as much strength as she could muster. Her knees were shaking.
“Where are you going?” his voice was soothing.
She didn’t answer.
“Why do you continue to strive toward the good?” his voice was rising to a shout, “why are you willing to sacrifice everything for this king?”
She took a step, licking her lips. “You have no power over me”.
“No power? Where is your beloved king now?” he laughed.
Looking around, she felt suddenly very alone. In the darkness, she knew she was by herself. She had been by herself for a long time. The journey, this quest, had given her nothing but heartbreak. She took a step forward toward Fear, who was now standing directly in front of her, his yellow eyes glistening in the darkness. He smiled and stretched out his hand. “I can help you”.
She looked up at the still starless sky. What was she to do? Slowly she lifted her hand. I love you. She stopped, her hand frozen in midair. The shadow took a breath. I love you. Her heart leapt. I don’t know the way, she thought. I will show you, the voice replied. She had heard that voice before. She knew it could be trusted.
She drew hand back, staring all the while at Fear, whose eyes were electric, their color changing to red, and sparks flying. With a step he lunged toward her. She jumped aside just in the nick of time. She fell and began crawling away as fast as her legs and arms could carry her. She suddenly felt a strong clammy hand on the back of her neck, and couldn’t breathe. She stopped moving, her hands wriggling with the shadow’s hand that was now gripping even tighter around her.
“Now, you will die”, he hissed in her ear. Picking her up by the scruff of her neck he held her suspended in the air, their eyes fixed. The darkness was turning into a bluish haze; white spots of light surrounded her. She couldn’t breathe. Help me, she thought frantically. Nothing happened.
“Help me!” she screamed, although no sound came out, the shadow’s grip tightening even more. She choked and started flailing around, her strength was dwindling. HELP ME!
The shadow’s eyes suddenly looked scared, and his grip loosened. Grabbing at the opportunity, she wriggled free of his grasp and dropped to the ground. Looking behind her, a bright light was drawing closer and closer to where she and the Fear stood. He screamed in distress and started to run away. The light got brighter and closer until it was on top of the girl. It raced past her and toward the fleeing shadow. The Fear screamed one more time, but his cries were cut short as the light seemed to swallow it up, then there was silence. The light, which was so bright now that she had to turn away, came back toward her. The light was warm, and it heated her frigid body. I have defeated Fear himself, said that familiar voice. I will show you the way. The girl nodded and instantly the light was gone, vanishing into nothing.
“He’s alive! The King’s alive!” The crowd was cheering in the streets. Looking up from her work, the girl’s heart quickened. Running toward the crowd, her mind raced. Alive, how? She thought. She had just seemed him hanged three days earlier. Surely they were wrong.
“What’s going on?” she asked a woman who was hurrying along with the crowd.
“The King, someone spotted him walking on the road back into town. He’s alive!” the woman shouted.
The girl couldn’t believe it. Racing along with the rest of the crowd they made their way up to the castle courtroom, where a throng of anxious townspeople awaited. The royal guards kept the crowd lines at bay as the Royals stood, staring disbelieving at the middle of the courtroom. Searching the faces, the girl looked desperately for the face she wanted to see most. Finally her eyes rested on the person she had seen murdered just three days earlier. His overall physical appearance almost exactly the same, save the bruises on His neck where the ropes had been. He was standing, not saying a thing as the other Royals and townspeople questioned Him. Then, He saw her. Their eyes met and He nodded His head, smiled lovingly and reached out His hand. Instinctually she reached out hers as well, and walked towards Him. The guards shoved her back as she struggled to get to her King.
“Let her through”.
The crowd went silent. The guard turned around to see where the voice had come from. The King was inches from the guard. The guard released the girl, and the King ushered her to the middle of the courtroom. All was silent, thousands of eyes fixed on the King and the girl standing beside Him.
“Three days ago I died. Through an awesome power I have been brought back to life. I have fought with Fear and have come out victorious; death is no more for this young woman. She believed in Me when all other’s scoffed at me and wanted Me dead. Her faith and love have been proved genuine, and it is for her that I have been brought back to life, so that we may communion together”, he stopped and looked at the girl, who was now kneeling before Him, her cheeks tear-stained.
Crouching down, He touched her shoulder and lifted her up to standing. “You believed in Me when no one else did. You have been entrusted with a great journey, one that many have deemed impossible. The way to Paradise is a blessed road”, He smiled and brushed her hair out of her face. Taking her hand in His, He lifted her shaking hand and kissed it. “My child, it is for you I have died. I love you”.
The girl’s eyes filled with tears. The King looked at her then back at the crowd, their faces awestruck and filled with shame. Wordlessly, the King left the courtroom, the girl following. Outside the sun was shining brilliantly in the sky, and earth seemed to be rejoicing in this King’s resurrection. The King stopped and looked back at the girl who was a few steps behind.
“You have been chosen, My daughter”.
“I don’t know the way”, she whispered, still shaking. He took her hand in His and kissed it once more.
“I will show you”. And she knew, deep inside, He would.
“Where will I go?” she asked.
“To Paradise”, he smiled.
“Will you be there?” she asked.
“Yes”.
The girl opened her eyes and looked across the valley. She had been dreaming. Filled with new hope, she knew somehow that her destination was near; she could taste it.
Like so many times before, she pushed herself to standing and began walking once more, something inside her sparked with excitement and anticipation. This day seemed different from the rest.
By the time the sun was high in the sky she had made it across the valley and was now precariously making her way up the summit of a mountain. The trees were thick and she had to often find ways around them in order to make it up. More than once she slipped and fell, sliding down the mountain until she finally regained her footing and she would have to start all over again. Her breathing was becoming more and more labored, but with every fall or stumble, the more determined she became. She screamed in agony as her foot cut across the jagged rocks. She went onto all fours and began the ascent that way. Looking back, she had climbed a far ways but kept going, a pit of purpose indwelling her body as she slowly but surely made her way up. How many hours had she been climbing? She did not know.
Her hands were shaking now, and her knees bloodied. Her throat was dry, and more than once the distant thought of giving up crept into her mind, but still she kept going, knowing that Paradise lie on the other side of this mountain.
The mountain got more treacherous as she reached the peak. She was now on her stomach, using just her arms to pull her up. With one final pull, she reached its peak. Standing up, bloodied and bruised, her mind and body desperately exhausted she looked up. A bright light in front of her and peering into the light she saw a great green field stretching in all directions. The distant sound of a waterfall reached her ears as the glistening sun warmed her body, every ray not only giving her hope but, somehow, peace. Closing her eyes she breathed deeply and she knew where she was. She had reached her destination. This was Paradise. My child, spoke the familiar voice and she opened her eyes. The King was standing right in front of her, His arms spread wide open, waiting for her and she ran to them. Enveloped in the warmest embrace she had ever experienced her body no longer ached. The purest form of peace and restoration coursed through her, now, unbroken body, her health restored. No longer did her knees shake, or her hands pulse with pain. Her head no longer was filled with doubt or even determination, only happiness remained, unquenchable happiness.
The King released her from their embrace and looked down at her, His face spread wide in a kind smile. “Well done, My good, my amazing, my upmost faithful servant”.
Tears, not of pain or sadness, but of joy sprang to her eyes. Taking her by the hand, He led her into the light, the green acres of Paradise before them. Her journey had ended and she was finally home.
She had no idea how long she had been walking for. Hours, days, weeks, they all ran together. Her thoughts were a blur between the past, present, and future, but she was determined, determined to make it to the end, to finish this journey, and to see Him.
She stumbled as she pushed her way across the long grasses of the valley. They were so high she couldn’t even see the sky above her. She fell to her knees, crouching on all fours like a weary animal. Doubt clouded her mind for a just a moment, but with a breath of sheer purpose, she got back up, once again making her way across the valley. Her journey had had its lows and highs. She knew she had come a long way from her beginning destination. That seemed like years ago. She remembered the King’s face when he had looked at her from across the courtroom. Whisperers spread across the room like wildfire. The King, who had been brutally murdered only three days before had miraculously been brought back to life again. Oh, yes, the courtroom had been busy with rumors. She had heard about His resurrection and had rushed to the castle without even thinking. Dropping her buckets of water, that she had just filled up, spilling water that had taken her so much effort to get, she ran across the village, down the dusty road, and into the courtroom, pushing past the rest of the people who had heard the same news as she. And there he was. Standing, in His power and grace, in the middle of the room, in a simple white sheet tied across the bottom half of his body. The sheet was muddy and blood stained. It was the same sheet he had been wearing only three days earlier when he had been hanged. The royal guards had tortured Him mercilessly, after the townspeople’s indignant cries to have him killed. She had no idea why the people wanted Him, their king, killed. He had done nothing wrong. She cried for hours after hearing of His punishment. How could they kill Him? He was innocent. Of all things guilty for, perhaps His greatest offense was having loved the town and village people. He had never spoken harshly with anyone; He had offered gifts and jobs to the neediest in the surrounding villages and towns. He had never lifted a hand to harm, only to help. Why did the people not remember the things He had done for them? Blinded by ignorance and pride, they longer saw Him fit for kingship, no longer fit for royalty. The guards had tortured Him and beaten Him senseless, and when He had no more strength left they dragged Him up to the gallows, His fate finally before Him. She had been at His hanging, tears soaking through her clothes. Her heart felt like a rock beneath her chest, she thought she would die along with Him. Placing the rope around her bruised neck, the crowd mocking His pain and good works, cheered and rioted from below. His eyes were closed, and tears ran down his bloodied cheeks. His body didn’t look human, too broken to be anything remotely close to alive. He was dying. She looked at Him, and still found Him beautiful and glorious. He was everything to her. She loved Him like a daughter loves her father. He had found a way into her heart, a way that was now being destroyed by the loud jeering of the crowd. The shouts were becoming more and more deafening, and the guards were taking in the scene with a smile. They pushed Him forward and tightened the rope around His neck. One guard had his hand on a nearby lever which would once and for all rid the kingdom of their king. The King opened His eyes, looking over the crowd until His gaze settled over the girl, the one person in the crowd weeping tears of sorrow for the man on the platform, the man with the rope around His neck. Looking up from the ground, their eyes met. A surge of strong admiration and compassion coursed through her veins and a look of complete love filled His face. I love you. I love My people. The thought came to her suddenly out of nowhere. It wasn’t her thought, but looking at Him standing and looking and her, He nodded. I love you, it repeated. She didn’t know how, but she knew it was His thoughts she was hearing. The cries of the crowd suddenly grew louder, the guard moved his hand on the lever and she looked away. The King was dead.
Her feet were now bleeding as she walked across the uneven ground. The day had turned into night, but no stars lit the sky. The moon seemed suspended in the blackness, unsure if it was supposed to be there or not. Her body ached all over, her hands numb to the biting cold that seemed to be rising from the ground. She came to a part in the valley where the grass wasn’t so high and slumped down, lying curled up on the hard earth. The valley got louder at night. Crickets chirped melodically as wind blew over the tall grass. She suddenly sat up. Something had snapped in the distance. Her body froze in fear. It had sounded like a twig, and she got the distinct feeling someone was close by. The hairs on the back of her neck rose, and her body started shaking in fear. The crickets stopped chirping and the wind suddenly grew quiet. In the complete darkness she looked around her. Looking once more to her left, she was gripped with panic, her breath lost in her lungs. A shadow moved across the grass, drawing closer and closer to where she was sitting. She had been followed, and she knew who it was. The shadow slinked closer still. “My name is Fear”, he hissed. His voice was smooth and poisonous, and she stood up slowly, wanting to run away with everything she had, knowing full well is she did, he could chase her and catch her. The cold night seemed to get colder as she stood, silently staring as the shadow, named Fear closed around her, his breath hot on the back of her neck.
“Why don’t you run?”
“I am not afraid”, she answered with as much strength as she could muster. Her knees were shaking.
“Where are you going?” his voice was soothing.
She didn’t answer.
“Why do you continue to strive toward the good?” his voice was rising to a shout, “why are you willing to sacrifice everything for this king?”
She took a step, licking her lips. “You have no power over me”.
“No power? Where is your beloved king now?” he laughed.
Looking around, she felt suddenly very alone. In the darkness, she knew she was by herself. She had been by herself for a long time. The journey, this quest, had given her nothing but heartbreak. She took a step forward toward Fear, who was now standing directly in front of her, his yellow eyes glistening in the darkness. He smiled and stretched out his hand. “I can help you”.
She looked up at the still starless sky. What was she to do? Slowly she lifted her hand. I love you. She stopped, her hand frozen in midair. The shadow took a breath. I love you. Her heart leapt. I don’t know the way, she thought. I will show you, the voice replied. She had heard that voice before. She knew it could be trusted.
She drew hand back, staring all the while at Fear, whose eyes were electric, their color changing to red, and sparks flying. With a step he lunged toward her. She jumped aside just in the nick of time. She fell and began crawling away as fast as her legs and arms could carry her. She suddenly felt a strong clammy hand on the back of her neck, and couldn’t breathe. She stopped moving, her hands wriggling with the shadow’s hand that was now gripping even tighter around her.
“Now, you will die”, he hissed in her ear. Picking her up by the scruff of her neck he held her suspended in the air, their eyes fixed. The darkness was turning into a bluish haze; white spots of light surrounded her. She couldn’t breathe. Help me, she thought frantically. Nothing happened.
“Help me!” she screamed, although no sound came out, the shadow’s grip tightening even more. She choked and started flailing around, her strength was dwindling. HELP ME!
The shadow’s eyes suddenly looked scared, and his grip loosened. Grabbing at the opportunity, she wriggled free of his grasp and dropped to the ground. Looking behind her, a bright light was drawing closer and closer to where she and the Fear stood. He screamed in distress and started to run away. The light got brighter and closer until it was on top of the girl. It raced past her and toward the fleeing shadow. The Fear screamed one more time, but his cries were cut short as the light seemed to swallow it up, then there was silence. The light, which was so bright now that she had to turn away, came back toward her. The light was warm, and it heated her frigid body. I have defeated Fear himself, said that familiar voice. I will show you the way. The girl nodded and instantly the light was gone, vanishing into nothing.
“He’s alive! The King’s alive!” The crowd was cheering in the streets. Looking up from her work, the girl’s heart quickened. Running toward the crowd, her mind raced. Alive, how? She thought. She had just seemed him hanged three days earlier. Surely they were wrong.
“What’s going on?” she asked a woman who was hurrying along with the crowd.
“The King, someone spotted him walking on the road back into town. He’s alive!” the woman shouted.
The girl couldn’t believe it. Racing along with the rest of the crowd they made their way up to the castle courtroom, where a throng of anxious townspeople awaited. The royal guards kept the crowd lines at bay as the Royals stood, staring disbelieving at the middle of the courtroom. Searching the faces, the girl looked desperately for the face she wanted to see most. Finally her eyes rested on the person she had seen murdered just three days earlier. His overall physical appearance almost exactly the same, save the bruises on His neck where the ropes had been. He was standing, not saying a thing as the other Royals and townspeople questioned Him. Then, He saw her. Their eyes met and He nodded His head, smiled lovingly and reached out His hand. Instinctually she reached out hers as well, and walked towards Him. The guards shoved her back as she struggled to get to her King.
“Let her through”.
The crowd went silent. The guard turned around to see where the voice had come from. The King was inches from the guard. The guard released the girl, and the King ushered her to the middle of the courtroom. All was silent, thousands of eyes fixed on the King and the girl standing beside Him.
“Three days ago I died. Through an awesome power I have been brought back to life. I have fought with Fear and have come out victorious; death is no more for this young woman. She believed in Me when all other’s scoffed at me and wanted Me dead. Her faith and love have been proved genuine, and it is for her that I have been brought back to life, so that we may communion together”, he stopped and looked at the girl, who was now kneeling before Him, her cheeks tear-stained.
Crouching down, He touched her shoulder and lifted her up to standing. “You believed in Me when no one else did. You have been entrusted with a great journey, one that many have deemed impossible. The way to Paradise is a blessed road”, He smiled and brushed her hair out of her face. Taking her hand in His, He lifted her shaking hand and kissed it. “My child, it is for you I have died. I love you”.
The girl’s eyes filled with tears. The King looked at her then back at the crowd, their faces awestruck and filled with shame. Wordlessly, the King left the courtroom, the girl following. Outside the sun was shining brilliantly in the sky, and earth seemed to be rejoicing in this King’s resurrection. The King stopped and looked back at the girl who was a few steps behind.
“You have been chosen, My daughter”.
“I don’t know the way”, she whispered, still shaking. He took her hand in His and kissed it once more.
“I will show you”. And she knew, deep inside, He would.
“Where will I go?” she asked.
“To Paradise”, he smiled.
“Will you be there?” she asked.
“Yes”.
The girl opened her eyes and looked across the valley. She had been dreaming. Filled with new hope, she knew somehow that her destination was near; she could taste it.
Like so many times before, she pushed herself to standing and began walking once more, something inside her sparked with excitement and anticipation. This day seemed different from the rest.
By the time the sun was high in the sky she had made it across the valley and was now precariously making her way up the summit of a mountain. The trees were thick and she had to often find ways around them in order to make it up. More than once she slipped and fell, sliding down the mountain until she finally regained her footing and she would have to start all over again. Her breathing was becoming more and more labored, but with every fall or stumble, the more determined she became. She screamed in agony as her foot cut across the jagged rocks. She went onto all fours and began the ascent that way. Looking back, she had climbed a far ways but kept going, a pit of purpose indwelling her body as she slowly but surely made her way up. How many hours had she been climbing? She did not know.
Her hands were shaking now, and her knees bloodied. Her throat was dry, and more than once the distant thought of giving up crept into her mind, but still she kept going, knowing that Paradise lie on the other side of this mountain.
The mountain got more treacherous as she reached the peak. She was now on her stomach, using just her arms to pull her up. With one final pull, she reached its peak. Standing up, bloodied and bruised, her mind and body desperately exhausted she looked up. A bright light in front of her and peering into the light she saw a great green field stretching in all directions. The distant sound of a waterfall reached her ears as the glistening sun warmed her body, every ray not only giving her hope but, somehow, peace. Closing her eyes she breathed deeply and she knew where she was. She had reached her destination. This was Paradise. My child, spoke the familiar voice and she opened her eyes. The King was standing right in front of her, His arms spread wide open, waiting for her and she ran to them. Enveloped in the warmest embrace she had ever experienced her body no longer ached. The purest form of peace and restoration coursed through her, now, unbroken body, her health restored. No longer did her knees shake, or her hands pulse with pain. Her head no longer was filled with doubt or even determination, only happiness remained, unquenchable happiness.
The King released her from their embrace and looked down at her, His face spread wide in a kind smile. “Well done, My good, my amazing, my upmost faithful servant”.
Tears, not of pain or sadness, but of joy sprang to her eyes. Taking her by the hand, He led her into the light, the green acres of Paradise before them. Her journey had ended and she was finally home.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
right now.
Music?
at this moment Jason Reeves.
but most recently, i have also listened to:
Michael Buble, Colbie Caillat, Tenth Ave. North, The Postal Service, The Listening, Muse, City and Colour, and Switchfoot (new album!!).
Thoughts?
grades. am i trying as hard as a could be? tryin' my best not too feel too overwhelmed or too depressed but it's hard sometimes..
Food?
just ate half of a turkey sandwich, apple, and potato salad in le caf.
Feelings?
distracted. look above under "thoughts"..
Plans?
two exams this week, two papers due monday, going to the zoo on saturday :))))
Bible?
rereading 1 Peter... great book :)
Work?
good. slow? really blessed that i can work and do homework at the same time!
Tomorrow?
full day of classes followed by work and hopefully a jamba run...hopefully.
Looking forward to anything?
saturday!! christmas :)
at this moment Jason Reeves.
but most recently, i have also listened to:
Michael Buble, Colbie Caillat, Tenth Ave. North, The Postal Service, The Listening, Muse, City and Colour, and Switchfoot (new album!!).
Thoughts?
grades. am i trying as hard as a could be? tryin' my best not too feel too overwhelmed or too depressed but it's hard sometimes..
Food?
just ate half of a turkey sandwich, apple, and potato salad in le caf.
Feelings?
distracted. look above under "thoughts"..
Plans?
two exams this week, two papers due monday, going to the zoo on saturday :))))
Bible?
rereading 1 Peter... great book :)
Work?
good. slow? really blessed that i can work and do homework at the same time!
Tomorrow?
full day of classes followed by work and hopefully a jamba run...hopefully.
Looking forward to anything?
saturday!! christmas :)
Thursday, November 12, 2009
another day in the life..
Playing Jenga for an entire class period - now that's the college life :)
Let's see... so far my day has consisted of going for a run (couldn't feel my legs by the end of it.. WAY too cold!), going to breakfast with with my amazing floor-mate, Trinity, and indulging in a delicious bowl of Lucky Charms followed by a cup of coffee which I didn't end up drinking because to my dismay the cup hadn't washed thoroughly and the remnants of what looked like hot cocoa were plastered to the sides of the mug. Followed by breakfast was an insightful Old Testament class, in which my prof informed us students that two people of the opposite sex cannot be friends unless they are in it for something.. that something being either, something more than friendship (bf/gf) or the more perverted choice, "benefits". (at this point me and Trinity, who happens to be in this class with me and also happens to have a best friend who is a guy, like me, turned to each other looking appalled) Followed by a very shocking lecture, it was time for speech. Speech = funnest class of the day. Today's class consisted of games...my group's specialty: Jenga. The concentration and focus was like a strong perfume, wafting about the room. No one spoke as each person pulled the next wooden block, praying that God would not make them the person to have to destroy this masterpiece (we got to 30 levels when finally, collapse was inevitable).
Now, I sit. Here in my room. I have two hours until I must work and haven't got much homework to do. Maybe a walk is in my future? Or maybe another bowl of Lucky Charms? :)
Let's see... so far my day has consisted of going for a run (couldn't feel my legs by the end of it.. WAY too cold!), going to breakfast with with my amazing floor-mate, Trinity, and indulging in a delicious bowl of Lucky Charms followed by a cup of coffee which I didn't end up drinking because to my dismay the cup hadn't washed thoroughly and the remnants of what looked like hot cocoa were plastered to the sides of the mug. Followed by breakfast was an insightful Old Testament class, in which my prof informed us students that two people of the opposite sex cannot be friends unless they are in it for something.. that something being either, something more than friendship (bf/gf) or the more perverted choice, "benefits". (at this point me and Trinity, who happens to be in this class with me and also happens to have a best friend who is a guy, like me, turned to each other looking appalled) Followed by a very shocking lecture, it was time for speech. Speech = funnest class of the day. Today's class consisted of games...my group's specialty: Jenga. The concentration and focus was like a strong perfume, wafting about the room. No one spoke as each person pulled the next wooden block, praying that God would not make them the person to have to destroy this masterpiece (we got to 30 levels when finally, collapse was inevitable).
Now, I sit. Here in my room. I have two hours until I must work and haven't got much homework to do. Maybe a walk is in my future? Or maybe another bowl of Lucky Charms? :)
Friday, November 6, 2009
::.moments like these.::
She looked into his eyes. Clarity. Things always seemed to get clearer when she looked into his eyes. The world became real again; unclouded and really, just less confusing. She couldn’t explain it. It’s like when she looked into his eyes, things made sense and she felt.. Home. She felt secure. The way a little girl feels when her dad wraps her up in his arms and tells it’s going to be ok. It was a settling feeling, one of warm feelings and butterflies. His eyes seemed to look deep into her soul and instead of being scared by what he might see, she felt comforted because she knew he would never look away, no matter how ugly she looked on the inside. He would always find her beautiful. He would always find her blameless. Pure.
Silence stretched across the field as they stared at each other. Time stopped, or at least it seemed to. The gusting wind that had been blowing the grass this way and that seemed to blow no more, and the rustling of the leaves seemed to diminish to a whisper while they held their gaze. It was as if the earth itself knew the thoughts of the two people standing in the field, all by themselves, speaking not a word, not daring to break the silent calm that spread between them. They weren’t scared of the silence, they encouraged it. The two people standing in that field had been through a lot with each other. They knew each other like they knew themselves. They were each other’s best friends and there something comforting in their relationship. They knew that no matter what they would always be there for each other. Neither one had to worry about the future of their relationship, nor the past. The present was their closest companion, and it drove them onward.
Moments like these are to be cherished always. The present. The moments when time itself seems to stand still and silence is welcomed and not discouraged. Times when love is not a thought but an action and where one’s eyes express more than what mere words could say. These moments ought to be cherished and remembered, the past never forgotten.
Silence stretched across the field as they stared at each other. Time stopped, or at least it seemed to. The gusting wind that had been blowing the grass this way and that seemed to blow no more, and the rustling of the leaves seemed to diminish to a whisper while they held their gaze. It was as if the earth itself knew the thoughts of the two people standing in the field, all by themselves, speaking not a word, not daring to break the silent calm that spread between them. They weren’t scared of the silence, they encouraged it. The two people standing in that field had been through a lot with each other. They knew each other like they knew themselves. They were each other’s best friends and there something comforting in their relationship. They knew that no matter what they would always be there for each other. Neither one had to worry about the future of their relationship, nor the past. The present was their closest companion, and it drove them onward.
Moments like these are to be cherished always. The present. The moments when time itself seems to stand still and silence is welcomed and not discouraged. Times when love is not a thought but an action and where one’s eyes express more than what mere words could say. These moments ought to be cherished and remembered, the past never forgotten.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Ketchup-Time..
Lisening to Feist, eating pretzels, drinking EmergenC, and knocking back the cold medicine and echinacea.. My life at this moment.
I have been a little remiss in my blogging promises. Not on purpose, I promise you. You know, college has been an even bigger excursion than I thought it would. The late nights, the planning ahead, working around a work schedule, eating around a designed meal plan, allowing oneself to budget in an occassional Starbucks, all the while trying to convince your body that it really isn't sick at all and it can push through until the end of the week without any real rest, are all things I hadn't bargained for. They have, though, inevitably happened, and are, at this very moment, happening.
My life is a sequence of 8:00am alarms, busy days, and random Facebook chats.
It's good :)
I have been a little remiss in my blogging promises. Not on purpose, I promise you. You know, college has been an even bigger excursion than I thought it would. The late nights, the planning ahead, working around a work schedule, eating around a designed meal plan, allowing oneself to budget in an occassional Starbucks, all the while trying to convince your body that it really isn't sick at all and it can push through until the end of the week without any real rest, are all things I hadn't bargained for. They have, though, inevitably happened, and are, at this very moment, happening.
My life is a sequence of 8:00am alarms, busy days, and random Facebook chats.
It's good :)
Sunday, September 27, 2009
great quote speech..
“Every morning you are handed 24 golden hours. They are one of the few things in this world that you get free of charge. If you had all the money in the world, you couldn't buy an extra hour. What will you do with this priceless treasure? Remember, you must use it, as it is given only once. Once wasted you cannot get it back”.
The average person has only approximately 786,240 hours on this planet earth. That’s not a lot of time. I mean, think, we have already used up 157,248 of those hours by the time we reach the age of 18. For me, this realization has something I have really taken to heart these last couple weeks, this realization that I need to live with purpose, with excitement, with awe.
I know I can kind of get into a rut with life. I will wake up, eat breakfast, go to class, go work, do some homework, and go to bed, starting and ending each day the same way as the last. Living sometimes becomes a habitual thing, rather than a chance to find ways to break out of the mold in order to glorify God. Not that following patterns and habits is a bad thing, but when it comes to life, and my daily routine I want it to be more than that.
My old job, working at the Jamba Juice in Marysville, definitely had its low points. My first couple months working there, I absolutely loved it. I loved going to work. Then management changed, and slowly but surely work started becoming something I dreaded going to, rather than something I loved and enjoyed doing. Now, I don’t want to say Jamba is my dream job by any stretch of the imagination, but looking back, I wish I had made my last couple months there more meaningful, and not just gone with the flow and stayed within my “bubble”. I wish I had broken out of the mold and pursued a higher path, something glorifying to God, rather than being dragged down by the gossip, the complaining, and the overall atmosphere of the store. I wish I had popped that bubble.
Same with school. My last two years of highschool were spent in the Running Start program at a local community college. I look back on those two years with a little regret. Not that I was a bad student, or even got in with the wrong crowd. It was the fact that I didn’t engage. I went to class, listened to lectures, and took notes without interacting with my classmates and the people around me. I didn’t take the opportunity to really “witness” and to be that Christly example for the unsaved and broken around me. I let that chance pass me by. I didn’t seize the opportunity to “take life by the horns” as the car company, Dodge, puts it. I didn’t live like there were only 24 hours in the day, only 365 days in the year, and only 100 years, give or take, to make a difference in the world.
For me, this quote serves as a reminder, as motivation to live the normal, day to day activities, like I have never done them before. That I would excited to get up, be thankful for the breath in my lungs, and go to work, to class, even to the caf with a different “spring” in my step. That I would constantly be finding ways to break out of the normal lifestyle in order to find more ways to glorify God with the days He has given me. I want to live excitedly.
The average person has only approximately 786,240 hours on this planet earth. That’s not a lot of time. I mean, think, we have already used up 157,248 of those hours by the time we reach the age of 18. For me, this realization has something I have really taken to heart these last couple weeks, this realization that I need to live with purpose, with excitement, with awe.
I know I can kind of get into a rut with life. I will wake up, eat breakfast, go to class, go work, do some homework, and go to bed, starting and ending each day the same way as the last. Living sometimes becomes a habitual thing, rather than a chance to find ways to break out of the mold in order to glorify God. Not that following patterns and habits is a bad thing, but when it comes to life, and my daily routine I want it to be more than that.
My old job, working at the Jamba Juice in Marysville, definitely had its low points. My first couple months working there, I absolutely loved it. I loved going to work. Then management changed, and slowly but surely work started becoming something I dreaded going to, rather than something I loved and enjoyed doing. Now, I don’t want to say Jamba is my dream job by any stretch of the imagination, but looking back, I wish I had made my last couple months there more meaningful, and not just gone with the flow and stayed within my “bubble”. I wish I had broken out of the mold and pursued a higher path, something glorifying to God, rather than being dragged down by the gossip, the complaining, and the overall atmosphere of the store. I wish I had popped that bubble.
Same with school. My last two years of highschool were spent in the Running Start program at a local community college. I look back on those two years with a little regret. Not that I was a bad student, or even got in with the wrong crowd. It was the fact that I didn’t engage. I went to class, listened to lectures, and took notes without interacting with my classmates and the people around me. I didn’t take the opportunity to really “witness” and to be that Christly example for the unsaved and broken around me. I let that chance pass me by. I didn’t seize the opportunity to “take life by the horns” as the car company, Dodge, puts it. I didn’t live like there were only 24 hours in the day, only 365 days in the year, and only 100 years, give or take, to make a difference in the world.
For me, this quote serves as a reminder, as motivation to live the normal, day to day activities, like I have never done them before. That I would excited to get up, be thankful for the breath in my lungs, and go to work, to class, even to the caf with a different “spring” in my step. That I would constantly be finding ways to break out of the normal lifestyle in order to find more ways to glorify God with the days He has given me. I want to live excitedly.
Monday, September 14, 2009
the "Lighter" life...
This week I had to write a devotional for my speech class.. The devotional comes from a verse I recently read in Isaiah. For me, the verse was really eye opening and well, challenging. Here is the devotional; I hope that the verse gives you same eye opening experience it gave me.
Speech Class Devotional
Isaiah 55:5
“Surely you shall call a nation you do not know, and nations who do not know you will run to you, because of the Lord your God, and the Holy One of Israel; for He has glorified you”.
One of the goals in life I have always had as a Christian was to be a Light for the people around me; that they would see God in me, not because of the words I said, but because of the actions I did. Because of the way I spoke, the way I thought, and way I lived. As Christians I this verse really hits home, and for me personally it really is like a challenge to live the “Lighter” life. It’s says that “nations, people, who do not know you will run to you, because the Lord..has glorified you”. People will run to us because we possess that light that shines out in the darkness. We possess that “thing” that they all want; Jesus Christ. This verse I think is one that we can kind of see as a challenge, to not only talk the Christian talk, but live the Christian walk. Jesus had people flocking to Him not by just the words He said, but HOW He said them. He was kind, just, gracious, all things we Christians need to imitate.
So take this verse as a challenge to live that “Lighter” life, to be that Light in the darkness.
Speech Class Devotional
Isaiah 55:5
“Surely you shall call a nation you do not know, and nations who do not know you will run to you, because of the Lord your God, and the Holy One of Israel; for He has glorified you”.
One of the goals in life I have always had as a Christian was to be a Light for the people around me; that they would see God in me, not because of the words I said, but because of the actions I did. Because of the way I spoke, the way I thought, and way I lived. As Christians I this verse really hits home, and for me personally it really is like a challenge to live the “Lighter” life. It’s says that “nations, people, who do not know you will run to you, because the Lord..has glorified you”. People will run to us because we possess that light that shines out in the darkness. We possess that “thing” that they all want; Jesus Christ. This verse I think is one that we can kind of see as a challenge, to not only talk the Christian talk, but live the Christian walk. Jesus had people flocking to Him not by just the words He said, but HOW He said them. He was kind, just, gracious, all things we Christians need to imitate.
So take this verse as a challenge to live that “Lighter” life, to be that Light in the darkness.
Sunday, September 6, 2009
One week down.. uh. Fourteen to go?
I survived my first week at NU. An amazing and very satisfying feeling. I am officially an university student. Goodness. Crazy. Awesome.
Classes are good. I absolutely love my Christian Thought and Old Testament Lit. and History classs (the class not so much the homework..). I love learning about the Bible and how to be a better Christian. I love, love, love chapel and getting together with fellow believers (a.k.a. my classmates!) and worshiping God three days a week. I love my floor and the girls on it :) I've met some amazingly crazy girls and I can't wait to meet more!
Honestly, the first couple days of being at NU were frankly frightening. Sitting in my dorm room alone, not really sure what to do (I didn't have the homework I do now, which preoccupies most of my afternoon...) it was very imtimidating. I finally realized I had to come to this place where I was just there, sitting in my room, listening to music, wishing I had someone to talk to face to face when it dawned on me: I have God. He is my friend. It was an incredible realization. That no matter if I have friends or not, He is always by my side. He is always there to talk to me and "chill" with me. This feeling filled me with hope, and soon after I was hanging out with a couple girls on my floor in the caf (caferteria..) talking and laughing, having a great time. God does listen to our prayers, but it's only when we realize He is everything that He will answer them. At least that's this writer's humble opinion. That it's only when we are SMALL that He can make us BIG. When we realize He's all we have, that we will have SOMETHING.
Crazy, eh?
Classes are good. I absolutely love my Christian Thought and Old Testament Lit. and History classs (the class not so much the homework..). I love learning about the Bible and how to be a better Christian. I love, love, love chapel and getting together with fellow believers (a.k.a. my classmates!) and worshiping God three days a week. I love my floor and the girls on it :) I've met some amazingly crazy girls and I can't wait to meet more!
Honestly, the first couple days of being at NU were frankly frightening. Sitting in my dorm room alone, not really sure what to do (I didn't have the homework I do now, which preoccupies most of my afternoon...) it was very imtimidating. I finally realized I had to come to this place where I was just there, sitting in my room, listening to music, wishing I had someone to talk to face to face when it dawned on me: I have God. He is my friend. It was an incredible realization. That no matter if I have friends or not, He is always by my side. He is always there to talk to me and "chill" with me. This feeling filled me with hope, and soon after I was hanging out with a couple girls on my floor in the caf (caferteria..) talking and laughing, having a great time. God does listen to our prayers, but it's only when we realize He is everything that He will answer them. At least that's this writer's humble opinion. That it's only when we are SMALL that He can make us BIG. When we realize He's all we have, that we will have SOMETHING.
Crazy, eh?
Friday, August 28, 2009
My New Life.
Hello all. I am sorry for not posting for a couple weeks (assuming people are actually reading this, which I hope you are!). My life has gotten very busy and over the last three days, VERY DIFFERENT.
I have moved in the dorm at NU. Room 5218 in Guy Hall. I have unpacked all my things. Dined in the cafeteria, and gone through some fun but tiring orientation sessions, and the week still isn't over.
I love it here. The atmosphere and the faculty and staff are amazing. I know that I will able to grow in God SO much here, and I can't wait to delve into this new season of my Chrisitan walk. I know spiritually this is the best place I can be for me, at this moment.
I have been coping with the changes, I think, pretty well. I did have a slight melt down last night. And without giving too much of the "dramatic" details, I think it will just take some time to be able to find my place. I know I am supposed to be here spiritually, but socially I know it's going to take some time.
The girls on my floor are great! So many new faces and names, I love meeting people are hearing their life stories.
I think that's the great thing about having a roommate you don't know. You get to meet and find ou that a person who you might-have-never-even-met's dislikes, likes, passions, and their purpose. It's an awesome experience (although I knew my roommate beforehand...).
One thing I know this whole experience is going to teach me is to fully rely on God and what He has in store for me. That even in the times when I feel a meltdown coming on or feel lonely or rejected or without friends, that I can always count on Him to be around. I always have Him when I need a hand to pick me back up. It's a comforin feeling and I hold onto that with everything I have.
Readers, this is a new start for me. A start I know will end up being a great turning point in my life, even if in the meantime I feel unsure or insecure. God's plans for me are WAY greater than the circumstances of this world. I can get through this.
I have moved in the dorm at NU. Room 5218 in Guy Hall. I have unpacked all my things. Dined in the cafeteria, and gone through some fun but tiring orientation sessions, and the week still isn't over.
I love it here. The atmosphere and the faculty and staff are amazing. I know that I will able to grow in God SO much here, and I can't wait to delve into this new season of my Chrisitan walk. I know spiritually this is the best place I can be for me, at this moment.
I have been coping with the changes, I think, pretty well. I did have a slight melt down last night. And without giving too much of the "dramatic" details, I think it will just take some time to be able to find my place. I know I am supposed to be here spiritually, but socially I know it's going to take some time.
The girls on my floor are great! So many new faces and names, I love meeting people are hearing their life stories.
I think that's the great thing about having a roommate you don't know. You get to meet and find ou that a person who you might-have-never-even-met's dislikes, likes, passions, and their purpose. It's an awesome experience (although I knew my roommate beforehand...).
One thing I know this whole experience is going to teach me is to fully rely on God and what He has in store for me. That even in the times when I feel a meltdown coming on or feel lonely or rejected or without friends, that I can always count on Him to be around. I always have Him when I need a hand to pick me back up. It's a comforin feeling and I hold onto that with everything I have.
Readers, this is a new start for me. A start I know will end up being a great turning point in my life, even if in the meantime I feel unsure or insecure. God's plans for me are WAY greater than the circumstances of this world. I can get through this.
Sunday, August 16, 2009
a rejected soul named contenment
Sufficiancy means... what?
Contentment.
Utter and complete contentment.
A place that feels right.
A place that feels safe.
Not a physical place, oh no.
It dwells inside our being,
Beneath the clothes and skin and nerves
And pain.
It screams and cries out to be noticed.
It yells and kicks and pulls it's hair out in anguish,
Waiting to be noticed.
It wants to be recognized.
It knows it will bring happiness and rest.
It know it will bring joy and resolution.
It paces back and forth, waiting and hoping.
It waits for you.
It waits for me.
Contentment.
Utter and complete contentment.
A place that feels right.
A place that feels safe.
Not a physical place, oh no.
It dwells inside our being,
Beneath the clothes and skin and nerves
And pain.
It screams and cries out to be noticed.
It yells and kicks and pulls it's hair out in anguish,
Waiting to be noticed.
It wants to be recognized.
It knows it will bring happiness and rest.
It know it will bring joy and resolution.
It paces back and forth, waiting and hoping.
It waits for you.
It waits for me.
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Jesus is my homeboy..
I don't place the title "friend", especially "best friend" easily on anyone.
When you're little you pretty call anyone who gets along with you, your best friend. That girl who shared her ice cream, or the guy who played tag with you...
I cannot place that title as easily as others.
Blame it on past not-so-good-relationships, or maybe my just inability to trust, I just tell it like it is.
The term "friend" to me, means almost the same thing as the term "best friend". I expect all my friends to be there for me, to listen, give advice, and just accept me for who I am. I realize people will let me down, because well, this is life and it happens, but I expect that friend to stick it out, even in the hard times, because our friendship is worth it.
Past relationships have taught me that friends will mess up. It was like up to that point I was living in a bubble, unaware that my bubble, my self confidence, could be popped. It's a hard reality, but I had to face it.
I had to face the fact that people will let me down. And that got me thinking..
If people are constantly letting me down, who can I turn to. Who will never let me down?
One person, and one person only, came to mind:
Jesus.
Of course, it was obvious. But in reality, it took me a long time to figure that one out. Jesus, my friend? I thought He was just that guy I went to church for. He is the one the stories in the bible are about. Could He really be my best friend?
Slowly, I came around to this idea. After being hurt so many times, I wasn't ready to put my heart on the line just yet.
There is a happy ending to this story though. I have finally realized that YES, Jesus can be trusted. He isn't just that guy that I sing songs about in church. He is someone I can count on 24/7, 365. He will never judge me or let me go. He is always there.
So, maybe I don't have too many best friends, or even friends in general. That doesn't seem to matter as much when I have Him by my side. He is the one friend who will always listen. The one friend who will always give me good advice. Loyal? Heck yes. Trustworthy? You bet. Dependable? Oh yeah.
Jesus Christ: my BFF for life.
When you're little you pretty call anyone who gets along with you, your best friend. That girl who shared her ice cream, or the guy who played tag with you...
I cannot place that title as easily as others.
Blame it on past not-so-good-relationships, or maybe my just inability to trust, I just tell it like it is.
The term "friend" to me, means almost the same thing as the term "best friend". I expect all my friends to be there for me, to listen, give advice, and just accept me for who I am. I realize people will let me down, because well, this is life and it happens, but I expect that friend to stick it out, even in the hard times, because our friendship is worth it.
Past relationships have taught me that friends will mess up. It was like up to that point I was living in a bubble, unaware that my bubble, my self confidence, could be popped. It's a hard reality, but I had to face it.
I had to face the fact that people will let me down. And that got me thinking..
If people are constantly letting me down, who can I turn to. Who will never let me down?
One person, and one person only, came to mind:
Jesus.
Of course, it was obvious. But in reality, it took me a long time to figure that one out. Jesus, my friend? I thought He was just that guy I went to church for. He is the one the stories in the bible are about. Could He really be my best friend?
Slowly, I came around to this idea. After being hurt so many times, I wasn't ready to put my heart on the line just yet.
There is a happy ending to this story though. I have finally realized that YES, Jesus can be trusted. He isn't just that guy that I sing songs about in church. He is someone I can count on 24/7, 365. He will never judge me or let me go. He is always there.
So, maybe I don't have too many best friends, or even friends in general. That doesn't seem to matter as much when I have Him by my side. He is the one friend who will always listen. The one friend who will always give me good advice. Loyal? Heck yes. Trustworthy? You bet. Dependable? Oh yeah.
Jesus Christ: my BFF for life.
Thursday, August 6, 2009
I am not religious; I'm just a Christian.
I feel like sometimes people will see all religions the same.
One word comes to mind when I think of the word "religion"...
RULES.
I think a problem often found among people is that they think of having faith, that believing in God, that BEING a Christian is a religion. Actually, Christianity is quite the opposite. Compared to other religions (I will explain a little later why I use the word "religion" in some instances and not in others). Think of Islam for example. Islamic people are obligated to attend prayer whenever the bell rings (the amount of times in the day they are summoned escapes me at the moment...) and if they don't they are shunned, and ultimately thrown in jail. In religions such as Mormanism and the Jehovah Witnesses the believers are working into heaven. They are working to gain glory and forgiveness.
Christianity in it's purest is the complete opposite.
Christianity offers freedom. Freedom from sin and freedom from death.
Christianity allows the believers, through the grace of God and the sacrifice He made on the cross, to not have to work for their freedom, because in God's eyes we are already free; He sees us as innocent, as little children. In God's eyes, one sin is not greater than the other. In God's eyes we don't have to earn ANYTHING.
For me, being a Christian is a lifestyle, NOT a chore. It's an honor and something I do not, to any extent, take ligthtly.
Religion to me is unrelenting and harsh. It doesn't care about it's believers and the well being of it's "saints". Alot of people conform themselves to religious activities, and frankly, it saddens me. Faith should not be limiting but uplifting and freeing.
Christianity allows the Christian to have hope that the day will get better. That there is something better than the cirumstances of this world. Something better to live for. Somone who will accept people right where they are at and will never let them go.
I have had to make the decision to make my faith my own, and it is a decision I have never looked back on with regret. Being a Christian has given me a feeling of peace and grace and accomplishment that this world cannot offer. Through Christianity, God has been able to grow in me and give me a sound mind and a heart that is greatful and abounding in joy. Yes, I hit walls and times of trials, but I know that even when I'm in my lowest, God is my Provider and He will never let me go. I am never wanting or lacking. God is everything to me. So whether people may see my choice to live out my faith as constraining or maybe limiting, I see it as the total opposite. My faith in God gets me up in the morning and gives me something to live for. It keeps me going and allows me to live in freedom that nothing else could give me. I do not look back on my decision. I do not regret my choice.
One word comes to mind when I think of the word "religion"...
RULES.
I think a problem often found among people is that they think of having faith, that believing in God, that BEING a Christian is a religion. Actually, Christianity is quite the opposite. Compared to other religions (I will explain a little later why I use the word "religion" in some instances and not in others). Think of Islam for example. Islamic people are obligated to attend prayer whenever the bell rings (the amount of times in the day they are summoned escapes me at the moment...) and if they don't they are shunned, and ultimately thrown in jail. In religions such as Mormanism and the Jehovah Witnesses the believers are working into heaven. They are working to gain glory and forgiveness.
Christianity in it's purest is the complete opposite.
Christianity offers freedom. Freedom from sin and freedom from death.
Christianity allows the believers, through the grace of God and the sacrifice He made on the cross, to not have to work for their freedom, because in God's eyes we are already free; He sees us as innocent, as little children. In God's eyes, one sin is not greater than the other. In God's eyes we don't have to earn ANYTHING.
For me, being a Christian is a lifestyle, NOT a chore. It's an honor and something I do not, to any extent, take ligthtly.
Religion to me is unrelenting and harsh. It doesn't care about it's believers and the well being of it's "saints". Alot of people conform themselves to religious activities, and frankly, it saddens me. Faith should not be limiting but uplifting and freeing.
Christianity allows the Christian to have hope that the day will get better. That there is something better than the cirumstances of this world. Something better to live for. Somone who will accept people right where they are at and will never let them go.
I have had to make the decision to make my faith my own, and it is a decision I have never looked back on with regret. Being a Christian has given me a feeling of peace and grace and accomplishment that this world cannot offer. Through Christianity, God has been able to grow in me and give me a sound mind and a heart that is greatful and abounding in joy. Yes, I hit walls and times of trials, but I know that even when I'm in my lowest, God is my Provider and He will never let me go. I am never wanting or lacking. God is everything to me. So whether people may see my choice to live out my faith as constraining or maybe limiting, I see it as the total opposite. My faith in God gets me up in the morning and gives me something to live for. It keeps me going and allows me to live in freedom that nothing else could give me. I do not look back on my decision. I do not regret my choice.
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Part II
CONFIDENCE IN MY DECISION.
I AM CONFIDENT IN MY DECISION.
No more regrets. No more luke warmness. I am all in. I am ALL IN.
I AM CONFIDENT IN MY DECISION.
No more regrets. No more luke warmness. I am all in. I am ALL IN.
At the center of it all...
There are sometimes in this life of mine that I feel like a complete odd ball. The one that doesn't fit in, the one that is on the outside looking in.
These past couple of weeks have been those sometimes.
Growing up I kind of always felt different than other kids. I was the one that that belonged to all the cliques, and didn't pick favorites. I was friends with the highschoolers and the elementry school kids. I hung out with everybody and I did my best to try and make sure everyone felt wanted. Even at the small age of nine and ten I knew I wasn't going to date. I had it set in my mind and all my friends knew.
At that point in my life everyone else was on the same page.
As I have grown up my ideas and ideals really haven't changed. But maybe that's the problem. I haven't changed. Ugh, I don't know.
It's really dissapointing to think you fit in somewhere and then life gets in the way and suddenly you feel out of place. In an alternate universe. On the outside looking in. Different. Alien.
This is a feeling I have dealt with alot over the past six years, and it was one that I had hoped to not feel again. Unfortunately it sneaks up on me when I least expect it.
I sometimes think I let myself fall into this trap of alienation.
Is it possible I set myself up for this feeling? For rejection?
I don't know.
Or maybe I get in these situations and then I turn my back and lie low. Maybe I end up in these situations because I don't face them head on and take it and work my way through it?
Possibly.
These past couple of weeks have been those sometimes.
Growing up I kind of always felt different than other kids. I was the one that that belonged to all the cliques, and didn't pick favorites. I was friends with the highschoolers and the elementry school kids. I hung out with everybody and I did my best to try and make sure everyone felt wanted. Even at the small age of nine and ten I knew I wasn't going to date. I had it set in my mind and all my friends knew.
At that point in my life everyone else was on the same page.
As I have grown up my ideas and ideals really haven't changed. But maybe that's the problem. I haven't changed. Ugh, I don't know.
It's really dissapointing to think you fit in somewhere and then life gets in the way and suddenly you feel out of place. In an alternate universe. On the outside looking in. Different. Alien.
This is a feeling I have dealt with alot over the past six years, and it was one that I had hoped to not feel again. Unfortunately it sneaks up on me when I least expect it.
I sometimes think I let myself fall into this trap of alienation.
Is it possible I set myself up for this feeling? For rejection?
I don't know.
Or maybe I get in these situations and then I turn my back and lie low. Maybe I end up in these situations because I don't face them head on and take it and work my way through it?
Possibly.
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
"Soulmates 50% off; hurry on in 'cause they're going faaast!"
Soulmates.
Two words. One thing. Or...actually a person.
Soul
Pronunciation: \ˈsōl\
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English soule, from Old English sāwol; akin to Old High German sēula soul
Date: before 12th century
Definition: the principle of life, feeling, thought, and action in humans, regarded as a distinct entity separate from the body, and commonly held to be separable in existence from the body; the spiritual part of humans as distinct from the physical part.
Mate
Pronunciation: \ˈmāt\
Function: transitive verb
Inflected Form(s): mat·ed; mat·ing
Etymology: Middle English, from Anglo-French mater, from mat, noun, checkmate, ultimately from Arabic māt (in shāh māt)
Date: 14th century
Definition: a counterpart of one of a pair (only two of the MANY definitions!).
Then, when you put the two words together:
Soulmate
Definition: One of two persons compatible with each other in disposition, point of view, or sensitivity.
I think this idea of a soulmate is often overrated, and maybe exaggerated. Not that there aren't soulmates, but I just think people often try and find their soulmate at the wrong time. In this blogger's humble opinion, TIMING is key. Without timing a person can wander aimlessly, trying people on and getting dissappointed, breaking their heart over and over again. It becomes a habit, a lifestyle even. A way of thinking that is accepted and even encouraged. But my question is, why?
I have said it dating explained to me time in and time again. You date to "try on" people so you can figure out what qualities you like and dislike. So you can figure out what you are looking for in a future soulmate.
But I want to propose something....
What if people didn't date?
What if people waited until they were actually ready to get married, ready for the commitment, and then with an open heart and open mind, waited on what God has for them. They waited on God to bring them that special person. Waited for God to reveal His plan for their life and were confident in that. What if?
This blogger has never dated, never been kissed, and doesn't plan to until God brings me the right person. God knows exactly what I want and what I actually need in my perfect soulmate. He knows that I desire to get married and the qualities that are attractive to me. God knows what I need, so in Him I wait and am confident in His timing.
In reality, waiting is hard though. It, like I have said before, requires patience and reliance on God. Which can be hard sometimes. Almost all the time. Waiting develops us into the person God intends us to be. It builds character and tests out perserverance. It tests our morals and our minds. It tests our hearts and our will power.
Two words. One thing. Or...actually a person.
Soul
Pronunciation: \ˈsōl\
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English soule, from Old English sāwol; akin to Old High German sēula soul
Date: before 12th century
Definition: the principle of life, feeling, thought, and action in humans, regarded as a distinct entity separate from the body, and commonly held to be separable in existence from the body; the spiritual part of humans as distinct from the physical part.
Mate
Pronunciation: \ˈmāt\
Function: transitive verb
Inflected Form(s): mat·ed; mat·ing
Etymology: Middle English, from Anglo-French mater, from mat, noun, checkmate, ultimately from Arabic māt (in shāh māt)
Date: 14th century
Definition: a counterpart of one of a pair (only two of the MANY definitions!).
Then, when you put the two words together:
Soulmate
Definition: One of two persons compatible with each other in disposition, point of view, or sensitivity.
I think this idea of a soulmate is often overrated, and maybe exaggerated. Not that there aren't soulmates, but I just think people often try and find their soulmate at the wrong time. In this blogger's humble opinion, TIMING is key. Without timing a person can wander aimlessly, trying people on and getting dissappointed, breaking their heart over and over again. It becomes a habit, a lifestyle even. A way of thinking that is accepted and even encouraged. But my question is, why?
I have said it dating explained to me time in and time again. You date to "try on" people so you can figure out what qualities you like and dislike. So you can figure out what you are looking for in a future soulmate.
But I want to propose something....
What if people didn't date?
What if people waited until they were actually ready to get married, ready for the commitment, and then with an open heart and open mind, waited on what God has for them. They waited on God to bring them that special person. Waited for God to reveal His plan for their life and were confident in that. What if?
This blogger has never dated, never been kissed, and doesn't plan to until God brings me the right person. God knows exactly what I want and what I actually need in my perfect soulmate. He knows that I desire to get married and the qualities that are attractive to me. God knows what I need, so in Him I wait and am confident in His timing.
In reality, waiting is hard though. It, like I have said before, requires patience and reliance on God. Which can be hard sometimes. Almost all the time. Waiting develops us into the person God intends us to be. It builds character and tests out perserverance. It tests our morals and our minds. It tests our hearts and our will power.
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Longest blog turned 5 unfavorite/favorite things..
So, my internet went down and I lost my blog...
So now I am going to list my 5 most UNfavorite things:
1. Internet suddenly deciding not to work and losing a like four page blog :\
2. Self-absorbed people
3. Getting a bad grade on a paper/test (really, really don't like this one!)
4. Running late for an appointment
5. LOAN STUFF (aaaaaarg!)
Now, for something lighter.
Here are my 5 most favorite things:
1. Sunny days :)
2. Seeing people that just genuially care about me
3. Playing a nice game of Wii bowling with Alex Wennerberg (good times!)
4. Catching up with a friend I haven't talked to in forever (Kandyce, that one's for you!)
5. Going to work and having it be a GREAT day :)
So now I am going to list my 5 most UNfavorite things:
1. Internet suddenly deciding not to work and losing a like four page blog :\
2. Self-absorbed people
3. Getting a bad grade on a paper/test (really, really don't like this one!)
4. Running late for an appointment
5. LOAN STUFF (aaaaaarg!)
Now, for something lighter.
Here are my 5 most favorite things:
1. Sunny days :)
2. Seeing people that just genuially care about me
3. Playing a nice game of Wii bowling with Alex Wennerberg (good times!)
4. Catching up with a friend I haven't talked to in forever (Kandyce, that one's for you!)
5. Going to work and having it be a GREAT day :)
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Stressin' out does no good; so why do I do it?
August is now only three days away. Three whole, not so far away days. It's freaking me out.
Summer is usually a time for relaxation, and stress-free weekends, but at this minute I'm not feeling so relaxed. I'm not feeling so stress-free.
I recently applied for a loan, but to my dismay, realized I had applied for the wrong one.
Thus, the knot in my stomach came into being.
Realizing my mistake, I cancelled the loan and frantically starting searching a new PRIVATE loan. Scouring the internet I came across this website, and within moments I was a applying for a loan for the sum amount of $19,200 dollars. Yes, somewhat frightening. The thing with loans is that, is hits you about half way into the application process that, just in a matter of maybe a week you will now be in debt. You will owe money, that you do not have, and really, can't even imagine having.
This was the point where the knot in my stomach became a monster, writhing and wriggling inside my stomach.
Last night I finished up the application process. All I have to do now is wait. Waiting, in my opinion is the hardest test God gives us. Waiting requires patience, relience on God, and confidence that it will all work out. Sometimes these requirements are easier, mostly always, said than done. Waiting requires us to pass through this limbo stage in which we are unsure and unstable, and most of all uncertain. Uncertainity has always been my greatest fear. Knowing that I can't see the outcome; that my fate, so to speak, is up to someone else besides me, frightens me. The big picture is that I am not the one certifying my loan, guaranteeing myself a spot in college, or even giving myself the amount of hours on my work schedule needed to pay my bills. All I can really do it pray.
But maybe that's all I really NEED to do. These trials and times of struggle we are put through, may seem like sufferings to us, but to God they are tests. Tests that challenge our worldy way of thinking and self relience so that we can totally and sincerely realize that all we need, all we have ever needed was Christ. He alone can make the things we desire and wish for happen.
*God, I pray that everything will work out. God, I pray that I will not rely on what I have and what I can do, but what You can do through me. I give all this to You. Amen.
Summer is usually a time for relaxation, and stress-free weekends, but at this minute I'm not feeling so relaxed. I'm not feeling so stress-free.
I recently applied for a loan, but to my dismay, realized I had applied for the wrong one.
Thus, the knot in my stomach came into being.
Realizing my mistake, I cancelled the loan and frantically starting searching a new PRIVATE loan. Scouring the internet I came across this website, and within moments I was a applying for a loan for the sum amount of $19,200 dollars. Yes, somewhat frightening. The thing with loans is that, is hits you about half way into the application process that, just in a matter of maybe a week you will now be in debt. You will owe money, that you do not have, and really, can't even imagine having.
This was the point where the knot in my stomach became a monster, writhing and wriggling inside my stomach.
Last night I finished up the application process. All I have to do now is wait. Waiting, in my opinion is the hardest test God gives us. Waiting requires patience, relience on God, and confidence that it will all work out. Sometimes these requirements are easier, mostly always, said than done. Waiting requires us to pass through this limbo stage in which we are unsure and unstable, and most of all uncertain. Uncertainity has always been my greatest fear. Knowing that I can't see the outcome; that my fate, so to speak, is up to someone else besides me, frightens me. The big picture is that I am not the one certifying my loan, guaranteeing myself a spot in college, or even giving myself the amount of hours on my work schedule needed to pay my bills. All I can really do it pray.
But maybe that's all I really NEED to do. These trials and times of struggle we are put through, may seem like sufferings to us, but to God they are tests. Tests that challenge our worldy way of thinking and self relience so that we can totally and sincerely realize that all we need, all we have ever needed was Christ. He alone can make the things we desire and wish for happen.
*God, I pray that everything will work out. God, I pray that I will not rely on what I have and what I can do, but what You can do through me. I give all this to You. Amen.
Monday, July 27, 2009
Ground Rules.
I started a blog about 6 months ago, I was faithful in my blogging for about 2 weeks. Then, the "cloud" of inspiration passed and the blog was no more.
I was recently struck with the idea I should start another blog when I read my coworker's blog and was transfixed with the ideas he laid out for others, or possibily just for himself, to see. Writing has always been a way in which I was able to release energy. Whether a bad day or good, it always seemed to calmed the nerves, and with preparations for college and so forth around the corner, I think I need the release. So, with this blog, I vow a start of a new era. A blogging era. I pledge to blog faithfully. I'm not sure what that will look like, and perhaps I will have to map-out what that actually looks like in the future, only time will tell. In the meantime however, faithfully means at least weekly. Hopefully almost daily. I cannot promise all my blogs will be exciting, or even thrilling, but I do promise I will, most definately and certainly, blog. I will blog about the last few weeks of summer, the things I see and hear, and in the future, my days at the university (which is all together a most frightening thing). From hence forth, I Gabrielle Robbins, vow to blog to the best of my abilities.
And so, it starts.
Thus, concludes the end of the ground rules.
I was recently struck with the idea I should start another blog when I read my coworker's blog and was transfixed with the ideas he laid out for others, or possibily just for himself, to see. Writing has always been a way in which I was able to release energy. Whether a bad day or good, it always seemed to calmed the nerves, and with preparations for college and so forth around the corner, I think I need the release. So, with this blog, I vow a start of a new era. A blogging era. I pledge to blog faithfully. I'm not sure what that will look like, and perhaps I will have to map-out what that actually looks like in the future, only time will tell. In the meantime however, faithfully means at least weekly. Hopefully almost daily. I cannot promise all my blogs will be exciting, or even thrilling, but I do promise I will, most definately and certainly, blog. I will blog about the last few weeks of summer, the things I see and hear, and in the future, my days at the university (which is all together a most frightening thing). From hence forth, I Gabrielle Robbins, vow to blog to the best of my abilities.
And so, it starts.
Thus, concludes the end of the ground rules.
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