Head Held High.

"Head Held High" by Warren Barfield
They say you learn from your mistakes
Well I guess I should be a genius
For all the times I’ve fallen on my face
Tangled in my weakness
Wishing someone would say

Keep your head held high
Don’t stop believing
You are God’s child
And His strength is stronger than your weakness
Keep your head held high

Well it’s a crying shame
We’re walking around with our secrets
So afraid of what others might think
Living safe and living defeated
Wanting someone to say

We should confess our sin
We should love
Church, it’s time we begin
To build one another up

Come on
Keep your head held high
Don’t stop, don’t stop believing, no
You are God’s child
And His strength is stronger than your weakness
Keep your head held high
Don’t stop, don’t stop believing
You are God’s child
And His strength is stronger than your weakness
Keep your head held high

Mountains out of Molehills.

It's funny how big an issue can look when you're in it and then you take a step back and you realize "hey, that wasn't so bad after all!" (Plus, it helps when you have a great mom who will listen to you whenever and about whatever... especially regarding situations that seem to be the central point of conversation for many of the talks).

I am work at the moment. Just finished an iced tall soy latte :) I should probably be working on my book review thingy for New Testament but I felt like a blog was necessary so that I may digest my own thoughts before becoming overwhelmed with the various thoughts of Bruce W. Longenecker (the author of the "Lost Letters of Pergamum").

I had a fantastically amazing weekend! Saturday I slept until the glorious hour of 12:15 in the afternoon. The rest of the day was spent doing homework while conversing with some incredible people. Dinner was eaten with my dear friends Josiah, Trinity, Luke, and Brian in the caf (which happened to serve one of the best meals they have yet to make all semester!) and after a run to Target and a spontaneous trip to the park my Saturday night was quite spent and I was a very happy girl when I finally lay down and falling asleep to the music stylings of Hillsong I was quite at peace (yes, I realize how long that sentence was!).

Yesterday, Sunday I had the pleasure of attending church at Overlake. It was SO SO nice being at a church again without being obligated to sing for hundreds of people. It was nice to sit among the youth of the Student Ministries and just be "Brie" without any previous engagements hanging in the air. Lunch and the rest of the day was spent with the aforementioned Josiah Harmon and his family. It was a splendid time and the night resolved quite successfully.

So, why did I mention being overwhelmed with little situations? Why did I make it a point to address that sometimes we make mountains out of molehills? Because we do. And although yesterday was an amazingly relaxing and enjoyable day, I became victim of this theory and was completely overwhelmed upon reaching Northwest later last night. I was so overwhelmed by this very insignificant situation that I have not been able to stop worrying about it all day until just a few minutes ago when I hung up with my mom.

Our minds over think things to such a great extent sometimes it makes me wonder what God is thinking up there in Heaven when we suddenly become so involved in our own situations...
"My child!" He would say, "Do not worry! You see the fields of flowers and how elegantly dressed they are! How much more do I care about YOU, My child, whom I sent My Son to die for, than those flowers? Do not worry! You are forever under and in My hand. Relax in Me". He would then smile, pick us up, dust us off and kiss us gently on the forehead. Placing us under His hand we would once again begin out journey down this road called life.

Guys, I am the first person to freak out about a situation, to get the butterflies in the stomach and to feel completely overwhelmed. But it is not worth it! Believe me! God has everything under control, He KNOWS what has happened, what is happening, and what's going to happen. He knows, sees, and controls all and He won't let us fail. Our little finite mistakes are NOTHING compared to the great plan He has for my life, your life, our lives. A very wise woman once told me "We aren't big enough to mess up God's plan for our lives" and I think she was very right. We aren't big enough to mess His purpose, His plan, His way for our life so why do we worry and make little things seem bigger than they are?

With God we have nothing to fear, even the past, even the future.

Hard Days.

Everything seems to be going quite nicely. Then WHAM! I feel like crap. Awesome.

Friggin' mood swings.

GAH.

I just want to find someone who is going to be there for me when I need it most. Someone who will text me just to say "what's up". Someone who will genuinely ask how I'm doing. Someone who will take an interest in my life. Someone who is willing to make the commitment for the long haul and love me for me.

I guess my feelings get ahead of my mind because I thought, for a brief second, I had found that person.

Then the WHAM! moment happens and I am down on my knees and wondering if it'll ever happen to me. That someone, not me, will take the initiative and care about me and ask me the questions.

I guess I just want the feeling that someone of pure happiness that comes from texting or calling you to let you know you're being thought of. It's the smile on your face when you realize they are the perfect person for you. That although they aren't without their faults, their perfections outweigh their imperfections by a landslide. That's the kind of thing I'm waiting for. And right now it doesn't seen like I'll get it.

I just wish I knew what was going to happen. Why did God let me have this feelings? I have never experienced anything like this, so why taunt me with them and then take it away, leaving me wanting and feeling empty? It's not fair. It quite frankly sucks. And I'm sick of feeling this way.

GOD WHY DID YOU LET ME FEEL THIS WAY?!

I really wish I had never had these feelings. Especially since they have led to such disappointment and cruel emotions.

Is this something really too hard to ask for?

I don't know why I feel this way. But I don't like it.

1/23/2010

I don't deserve the life God has given me, yet He gives it to me freely, without question.... Wow. Incredible... I thank you.

I have officially added another year to my short-lived life. Eighteen came and went, and suddenly I find myself nineteen. Sure, not alot has changed. I look the same, talk the same, think the same.. the one thing that has changed is the fact that I am one step closer to being that adult.. you know, that adult who is responsible, independent, and just well, "grown-up"? Yep, that's me.. one step closer. And it's freaking me out!

It's funny thinking back to the first grade, thinking "Wow, when I turn eighteen I'm going to be soooo old!" I had imagined what I was going to look like, what my life would be like. My life has actually become what I thought it would.. I am in college loving (and sometimes hating) it. It really makes me laugh to think back what I thought I would look like. I had imagined a long blonde-haired, glasses-wearing, very professional looking young woman. I though that when I turned eighteen, that would be the pinnacle; I would finally be that adult. Independent and most likely famous (the dream of peforming on Broadway in New York was always a fantasy I had).

Looking in the mirror it's funny to see the kind of young adult I have become. I do have blonde hair, but the glasses have been replaced with contacts, and the professional has been replaced with...the laid back? And I certainly am not completely independent, and most definately not famous.

My childhood dream of becoming a veteranarian is far from view, replaced with the calling to be a missionary. I'm still the somewhat quiet but silly girl who loves God with all my heart. I am still grateful for the friends and family that surround me, although the friends are not all the same. I think though, I am even more in awe of how amazing the people that surround me are. They are the most gracious, loving, caring, and God-fearing people I have ever met. Honestly, I am honored to be apart of their lives.. it astounds me that God has blessed me with a fantastically wonderful family and group of peers. Truly, I cannot imagine how I ever came to deserve them. :)

This has been one of the most singularly incredible birthdays I have ever had. Even without the presents or balloons, just knowing that my friends care about me that much and would really do anything for me is amazingly humbling; I am soooo, sooo, sooo blessed.

Anyways, now I sit at my desk at NU listening to the epic music stylings of Roman Holiday and hoping my homework will get done by itself (it never hurts to hope!) :P

Family, friends - thanks for being such an incredible part of my life! You don't know how much I appreciate you!

Resolutions..

I Have Found by Kim Walker

I have found a peace that plows on through the storm.
I have found a joy that jumps over sadness.
I have found a love that lights up every room.
I have found, I've found You!

You are all I want, You are all I need,
Everything my heart could hope for.
We are longing for, the Glory of the Lord,
Cause we know there's so much more!

I have found a trust that teaches how to rest.
I have found a grace that guides me by the hand.
I have found a strength that stands like a mountain.
And I have found, I've found You!

-------------------------------------------------

In the beginning God created the Heavens and the earth. In the beginning God created mankind, made in His image, perfect and pure. Then, with one bite death enters the world. The creation has become tainted. But God in all His glory makes a promise - a promise they we will one day, once again, be able to be in His presence clean and pure, justified, stains removed.

Today, although we still struggle with sins and temptations, we can have hope. Why? Because the Creator of the universe has given us a Savior that has saved us from being eternally separated from God. God has redeemed our sins and made us once again clean and pure.

We wrestle with the things of this world and we struggle with fleshly desires and sins. We forget about the big picture and what God has done for us. We forget that God sacrificed His own flesh and blood, His only Son do die for us so that we, His unrighteous children could once again find favor in His sight, that in His eyes we can once again be found righteous.

God is the Lover of our hearts, our souls. He longs for relationship with us and will stop at nothing in order to have that relationship. The thing about God though is that He won't push us. God, my friends, is a gentleman and although He so desperately longs for a relationship, He won't push into something we aren't ready for.

My goal is wake up every morning, knowing that God loves me. My prayer is that, just how God is the Lover of my heart and soul, that I would be the lover of His. That I would intentionally seek Him, that I would realize everyday that He is the only one that can fill my soul, that no other thing will do. That I would wake up, praises on my lips, scripture on my heart, and filled with joy. That He would be the only thing I long for, hope for, knowing that He is so much more than anything on this planet earth.

I want God to be my everything.

Blessings. (a.k.a. to sum up the recent days...)

God is so much bigger than our situation.

The last couple days have been a whirlwind to say the least. Finals, friends, and overall school and relationship stuff has been really weighing my thoughts the last couple of days...

For those who know me and have seen me get nervous, I must admit, I am not the funnest person. My stomach develops a pit in it, my thoughts wander and I am really distracted, my palms sweat and my hands shake. It's just not pretty.

The last couple of days I have fallen prey to this disease and let me tell you, it's not fun. Stress does weird things to people, especially to people like me who over-analyze everything.

The good news is my friends, God works everything out for our good. He hears our prayers and the desires of our hearts. He is a compassionate God who takes pride in His children. God is truly amazing, you guys and I think that is one fact I really tend to take for granted or forget. I forget how good He is and how much He's blessed me with.

Despite the anxiousness I felt this morning, I am now completely at peace in my situation. I realize that God has everything under control and all I have to do is listen and be patient. During this time in my life, I have really come to understand certain things about myself, but I think, I know, there's alot more I need to learn.... but I think that's why I am ok with where I'm at. I have a God who loves, amazing God-sent friends, and a family that sticks with me no matter what. I am so blessed you guys, it's unexplainable. I feel indescribably happy and at peace right now. God's voice is the only one that matters...

So, now I wait. I wait patiently and I wait contently, knowing that God is a great and loving God who knows exactly what I need and when. I wait knowing that His timing is absolutely perfect...

I am blessed.

P is for Purity.

According to the U.S. Department Bureau of Justice Statistics, American students spend approximately $5.5 billion on alcohol a year; that’s more than they spend on soda, tea, milk, juice, coffee or books combined.
-The percent of students reporting street gang presence at school nearly doubled between 1989 and 1995, increasing from 15.3% to 28.4%.
-7 in 10 girls in the U.S. have had sex before the age of 14
-An estimated 2.1 million people began smoking on a daily basis in 1997. More than half of these new daily smokers were younger than age 18.

What does it mean to be a generation that seeks the face of God? What does it look like to be a generation that has clean hands and pure hearts, which goes against the flow and follows hard after God no matter what the world may say? It certainly isn’t what the stats exhibit.
Today is the day to rise up and become that Pure Generation. Today I want to persuade you to be that generation.
1 John 3 says “Behold what manner of love the Father has bestowed on us, that we should be called children of God! Therefore the world does not know us, because it did not know Him. Beloved, now we are children of God; and it has not been revealed what we shall be, but we know when He is revealed, we shall be like Him, for we shall see Him as He is. And everyone who has this hope in Him purifies himself, just as He is pure”.
Pastors all over the U.S. and other parts of the world have pushed the “pure movement” but I think a lot of people fail to realize that purity isn’t just about not having sex before marriage, its WAY more!
God wants us to be pure in not only our “love lives” but with our spiritual, physical, and mental “lives” as well. And this doesn’t just include your thought process. Purity isn’t a sex thing, or just a head thing, it’s a heart thing.
My life is patterned with moments of un-pureness. I have gotten mad at my roommate, my parents, my brother, my friends, you name someone, and I have probably gotten frustrated with them at least once. My driving habits could do with a little more purity; tailgating or yelling at the driver in front of me is probably not something that brings my God joy, let alone a smile. Thinking not so pure thoughts about a professor that has really gotten on my nerves probably not the most God-like thing I could have done. Gossiping with girls on my floor, not probably the most loving thing to do.
Pure comes from the Greek word Hagnos (Hag-noss), meaning clean, modest, undefiled, morally faultless and without blemish. And it actually comes from the same root as the word Hagious, meaning holy. Through God’s grace and compassion, and the sending of His Son down, through Jesus Christ’s sacrifice and unconditional love we now have the capacity to mimic Jesus, to be holy as He is holy. We can now strive after what’s right because we know the “greener” side.
So, purity, what does that mean? Purity comes in many different forms. The New Testament frequently talks about loving purely. 1 Peter 1 talks about loving sincerely and loving each other with a pure heart and not just that special someone, but loving everyone. Jesus talks about “loving others just as you love yourself” but what does this actually look like? Loving someone doesn’t have to be showing physical affection! How about buying the person in back of you their coffee at the Aerie or Starbucks? How about thanking your professor after a lecture for putting the time to teach? How about thanking the people who do the dishes at Caf for being so giving of their time and appreciating their work?
Actions are another aspect where purity can take root. Actions are based on intentions, so really making sure our intentions are pure is a good start. When you cut that person off on the freeway, what was your intent?
My mom growing up would constantly ask us if we were unsure about a situation “What are you committed to cause?” So what are we committed to cause as followers of Christ, as students, as friends, as boyfriends, as girlfriends, as employees, as people? What are the intentions behind our actions? What were we committed to cause when we cut off that car on the freeway, when we got mad at a friend, when we cheated on that exam, when we told that little white lie? What were we committed to cause? Were we trying to make ourselves look better, put someone down, or were we trying to be the “Jesus” in that situation?
For my Christian Thought I like, I’m sure many of you, had to read Ortberg’s “Life You’ve Always Wanted”. In this book Ortberg talks about living with a well-ordered heart. This chapter really hit home for me because I know I can kind of put God and purity on the back burner in my life. And it’s not about being pure AND living life, it’s about being pure WHILE living life. Incorporating purity into our daily routines and not just doing it to check it off our to-do list. Ortberg says that “when the heart is well-ordered it is not only increasingly free from sin, but also increasingly free from the desire to sin”. What does this mean? It means that when we can put God back on the pedestal where He belongs, the pursuit of purity gets easier, and this is how we are able to attain holiness, just as He is holy. Imagine a world filled with people who are all pursuing holiness and purity. Tabloids sold at grocery stores would be filled with stories about acts of lavish generosity and spontaneous sacrifice committed by noncelebrities we have never heard of. Television shows would be about men who secretly desire to dress as men. People would ask “how are you?” and really want to know what’s going on in the other person’s life. Intentions would be focused on what’s pleasing to God and edifying to other people, rather than us.
How can we start living a life of purity? So glad you asked!
Number one: begin to become more aware of your surroundings and the situations around you. A lot of the time with school and stress we will get so caught up in the “big” things that we won’t focus on the little things. We will talk and think without even realizing what we’re doing until it’s too late. Solution? Become more attentive to the things that are going on around you. Ask God to open up not only your physical eyes but your spiritual eyes as well. Only through becoming more aware will we be able to notice how we’re actually acting and what we’re actually saying.
Number two: read your bible. The only way we can ever to be holy, just as He is holy is to actually find out how Jesus acted. By reading the Gospels we can learn how Jesus went about treating and talking to other people. Only by really digging into scripture are we able to see what Christ was committed to cause.
The life of pursuing purity isn’t an easy and sometimes isn’t the most fun one. I know I have had to back out of situations where I know I wouldn’t have able to pursue pure things, like a late night movie where the movie really isn’t the best I could be watching, or not hanging out with a group of friends that would be inevitably be drinking before the night was through. Sometimes yeah, we might not feel that “cool”, but then we have to ask ourselves, what’s cool? For me, I always have to come back to the fact that God’s ways are so much cooler than anything else, and I know that pursuing His ways will lead me to something so much better than the world has to offer, and let me tell you, the reward is so much greater!
Today, I persuade you, no I challenge you to be the Pure generation. To go against the flow and pursue purity! Believe me, its well worth it!