So....
I have been in "summer mode" for three weeks now. It's been pretty uneventful overall but it's definitely had it's more exciting moments. For example last Sunday on my way to my friend Carly's house my car broke down in Redmond. Eventful. After spending the night at her house my car still wasn't fixed and she had to work... so, the rest of the my morning I sat in McDonald's in Bellevue (approximately 6 blocks from the mechanic) and waited to hear something about my car. Alas, the mechanic in Redmond did not fix my car, but thank God for an amazing best friend who came to my rescue and followed me back to Marysville just in case my car broke down on the freeway! So, yeah that has been pretty much the most eventful event during my summer vacation thus far.
I am nannying four days this week which I am frankly really happy about:) It's kinda funny how a person can go from being semi anti-kid to nannying four days a week.... God definitely has a way in changing our hearts and remolding and refashioning them to what He wants them to look like. I know it's small, but I think it's amazing how He can change even the smallest desires in our hearts to better fit Him and His Kingdom...
Anyways, thus is my summer... only 2 and a half months to go!! :)
Monday, May 24, 2010
Monday, May 10, 2010
Thus starts my summer vacation.
Woke up at 6am to babysit this morning after a horrible night sleep. Oh well, I suppose that's what happens when you take an almost 2 hour nap that close to your "bedtime".
Like I said above, I am babysitting this morning. One of the easiest gigs in the world unless you have the child behaving like mine did this morning and it turns into one of the most frustrating jobs of your life!
It's the worst feeling having a kid crying and you don't know why. He cries "Mamma" but his mom is showering, so you distract him with toys, food, anything to get him to stop crying but alas, the tears continue. My least favorite part are the temper tantrums. I honestly have no idea how to handle them. I try ignoring them but then his screams get louder! A deep feeling of inadequacy washes over me as I struggle to think of what to do. Finally, his mom opens the door tells him to come into her bedroom to help relieve some of his cries and I am left in the living room, feeling well, desperate and quite useless in my attempt to calm him down.
It's times like these that I have no idea how I will ever handle being a mom. Honestly, I have so much respect for moms in general since starting to babysit again. I will feel like I got this whole "maternal instinct" thing down then something like this happens: nothing like a crying baby to make you humble. Seriously.
Anyways, thus has been my summer vacation thus far. It can only go up from here ;)
Like I said above, I am babysitting this morning. One of the easiest gigs in the world unless you have the child behaving like mine did this morning and it turns into one of the most frustrating jobs of your life!
It's the worst feeling having a kid crying and you don't know why. He cries "Mamma" but his mom is showering, so you distract him with toys, food, anything to get him to stop crying but alas, the tears continue. My least favorite part are the temper tantrums. I honestly have no idea how to handle them. I try ignoring them but then his screams get louder! A deep feeling of inadequacy washes over me as I struggle to think of what to do. Finally, his mom opens the door tells him to come into her bedroom to help relieve some of his cries and I am left in the living room, feeling well, desperate and quite useless in my attempt to calm him down.
It's times like these that I have no idea how I will ever handle being a mom. Honestly, I have so much respect for moms in general since starting to babysit again. I will feel like I got this whole "maternal instinct" thing down then something like this happens: nothing like a crying baby to make you humble. Seriously.
Anyways, thus has been my summer vacation thus far. It can only go up from here ;)
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Euphoria in it's definition...
Euphoria: A feeling of great happiness or well-being.
My current state of being :)
I am extremely blessed, almost to an unbelievable degree. I can't believe the things God has given me; I feel so loved. I can't even express it in it's fullness because words would not do it justice. Let me tell you this: it is the best feeling I think I have felt up to this point.
I'm really trying to keep my emotions in check but when the source of happiness appears all around me, I have a hard time keeping it down - thus euphoria :)
It's funny how one thing can make your entire week and keep you going even when things don't look up. It's crazy how one thing can transform your entire week for the better, making you feel happier than you've been in a long time. It's a great and grand feeling!
Ahhhh. Breathe in the contentment and satisfaction that comes with bliss and drink in all it's emotion - the happiness and relief it results in. I am a happy creature, and am extremely undeserving of such a kindness, but there it is and I can't rid myself of this feeling! So, live on euphoric spirit and keep me hoping on :)
My current state of being :)
I am extremely blessed, almost to an unbelievable degree. I can't believe the things God has given me; I feel so loved. I can't even express it in it's fullness because words would not do it justice. Let me tell you this: it is the best feeling I think I have felt up to this point.
I'm really trying to keep my emotions in check but when the source of happiness appears all around me, I have a hard time keeping it down - thus euphoria :)
It's funny how one thing can make your entire week and keep you going even when things don't look up. It's crazy how one thing can transform your entire week for the better, making you feel happier than you've been in a long time. It's a great and grand feeling!
Ahhhh. Breathe in the contentment and satisfaction that comes with bliss and drink in all it's emotion - the happiness and relief it results in. I am a happy creature, and am extremely undeserving of such a kindness, but there it is and I can't rid myself of this feeling! So, live on euphoric spirit and keep me hoping on :)
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Happiness!
God always has my best interest in mind, and His best interest always exceeds my own expectations. I am under His covering and He, my glorious and mighty God, is looking out for me!
It's funny how we can feel like God isn't there and we start to doubt and in a moment of complete panic, when we finally realize He is all we have, we cry out in desperation, "Hey God, if you want me to do this...do this and I'll believe!" or "Do this thing and I'll know if you want me to take this path!" Well, that happened to me this week, and I realized something: God is looking out for me. He answers even the silliest prayers!!!!
This realization has totally transformed my week, and it's only Tuesday! I am on cloud 9 right now and I probably won't be coming down any time soon :) It's awesome knowing that God is in control, that His hand is in everything we do, and that I have people that I can turn to when I am in need of a ear to listen.
I've met some amazing people this year at NU. Really, like I am so incredibly blessed. These people completely blow my mind by their total trust in God and willingness to just sit down with me and discuss things out with me. I have no idea how I ever came to deserve such good friends...
I'm actually looking forward to next fall as well, which is a huge change from what I was feeling! I'm realizing that although I'll be living on a different floor from the rest of my 200 floor friends, it is possible to still be friends with them, as silly as that realization sounds! I'm excited to see what God has in store for the upcoming fall because this year has definitely changed me, and I can't wait to see the kind of person I am this time next year!
I just want to encourage you guys that God does listen to prayers and that He does give us the desires of our hearts even if they require a long waiting period. God doesn't forget our past prayers and He's always looking out for us!
It's funny how we can feel like God isn't there and we start to doubt and in a moment of complete panic, when we finally realize He is all we have, we cry out in desperation, "Hey God, if you want me to do this...do this and I'll believe!" or "Do this thing and I'll know if you want me to take this path!" Well, that happened to me this week, and I realized something: God is looking out for me. He answers even the silliest prayers!!!!
This realization has totally transformed my week, and it's only Tuesday! I am on cloud 9 right now and I probably won't be coming down any time soon :) It's awesome knowing that God is in control, that His hand is in everything we do, and that I have people that I can turn to when I am in need of a ear to listen.
I've met some amazing people this year at NU. Really, like I am so incredibly blessed. These people completely blow my mind by their total trust in God and willingness to just sit down with me and discuss things out with me. I have no idea how I ever came to deserve such good friends...
I'm actually looking forward to next fall as well, which is a huge change from what I was feeling! I'm realizing that although I'll be living on a different floor from the rest of my 200 floor friends, it is possible to still be friends with them, as silly as that realization sounds! I'm excited to see what God has in store for the upcoming fall because this year has definitely changed me, and I can't wait to see the kind of person I am this time next year!
I just want to encourage you guys that God does listen to prayers and that He does give us the desires of our hearts even if they require a long waiting period. God doesn't forget our past prayers and He's always looking out for us!
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Friday, March 12, 2010
Safe and Sound (and somewhat overwhelmed).
Made it home from San Fran yesterday!
It was an amazing trip and God showed up in some amazing, amazing ways! During our seven performances and six days traveling up down down the Northern CA area it was great to see the community God is building within the choir.
Favorite part of the trip had to be Saturday. Waking up early and dressing in black and jeans, a nice change out of the normal slate gray suit and royal blue blouse (the norm Choralons attire) we headed down to the Tenderloin district. Ridden with crime and grime I was pretty intimidated driving down the busy streets of this huge city, which had the highest crime rate in the district. Our destination led us to this little park outside of the San Fran Gospel Mission. It was here that we had the amazing oppurtunity to make sandwiches, put together grocery bags, and then sing for the homeless and needy of the surrounding area. It was such an amazing experience being able to worship God in this crime infested city and seeing the potential that God had to be able to move and do miracles for and in these lost people.
For me, it was awesome to be able to have a sort of prequal to the things I feel God is leading me to do. I would love to get involved in missions right here in the U.S. (my point of interest being Nashville) so it was amazing to get the chance to experience first hand the kind of things I'll be seeing in the future.
Anyways, I am back in Washington, spending a couple days with my family up in Marysville, sleeping and writing that darn paper I decided to put off until the last minute (gotta love college!)... it's been a great, great Spring break and it still isn't over!
On the other hand, coming home brought with it some unexpected dilemmas. My receptionist job that I've been working at has kind of fallen throuhg the cracks as my list of things to-do has gotten bigger. I'm afraid if I quit though I won't have enough money to sustain myself... So, that's one are where I'm needing guidance from God.
The other is one on a more personal level but I'm sure God will reveal what is needed for me to do soon (I hope...). I'm kind of getting impatient with not knowing. And frankly, quite scared. I'm not sure if God is wanting me to take the plunge or if I am better suited just sitting on the sidelines. Because it's not just my personal feelings and well-being involved in this, there are others as well.
The thing is, I will feel like I'm hearing from God, telling me one thing and then I will be like, wait, that can't be right! I'm scared because I feel like I can't trust my feelings, that they will only lead to destruction, so I must turn to God, who I'm not sure is even saying anything at this point. I don't want to be stuck in the limbo stage anymore because I feel it's only going to bring destruction if I continue on in it. The gray area, the yellow line, isn't one that is trodden easily and eventually it's going to hurt someone...
Anyways, that is where I am at right now. I am also very hungry due to the fact that I haven't eaten dinner yet. I should perhaps find something to eat so I'm not totally starving when the family finally decides to go to Red Robin :) In the meantime I am listening to the faint cries of my dad and brother as they battle World 9 in Mario and as my thoughts continue to come out as a blur I am trusting God, trusting that He will reveal what I need to go in the coming weeks. In Him I know everything will turn out alright..
It was an amazing trip and God showed up in some amazing, amazing ways! During our seven performances and six days traveling up down down the Northern CA area it was great to see the community God is building within the choir.
Favorite part of the trip had to be Saturday. Waking up early and dressing in black and jeans, a nice change out of the normal slate gray suit and royal blue blouse (the norm Choralons attire) we headed down to the Tenderloin district. Ridden with crime and grime I was pretty intimidated driving down the busy streets of this huge city, which had the highest crime rate in the district. Our destination led us to this little park outside of the San Fran Gospel Mission. It was here that we had the amazing oppurtunity to make sandwiches, put together grocery bags, and then sing for the homeless and needy of the surrounding area. It was such an amazing experience being able to worship God in this crime infested city and seeing the potential that God had to be able to move and do miracles for and in these lost people.
For me, it was awesome to be able to have a sort of prequal to the things I feel God is leading me to do. I would love to get involved in missions right here in the U.S. (my point of interest being Nashville) so it was amazing to get the chance to experience first hand the kind of things I'll be seeing in the future.
Anyways, I am back in Washington, spending a couple days with my family up in Marysville, sleeping and writing that darn paper I decided to put off until the last minute (gotta love college!)... it's been a great, great Spring break and it still isn't over!
On the other hand, coming home brought with it some unexpected dilemmas. My receptionist job that I've been working at has kind of fallen throuhg the cracks as my list of things to-do has gotten bigger. I'm afraid if I quit though I won't have enough money to sustain myself... So, that's one are where I'm needing guidance from God.
The other is one on a more personal level but I'm sure God will reveal what is needed for me to do soon (I hope...). I'm kind of getting impatient with not knowing. And frankly, quite scared. I'm not sure if God is wanting me to take the plunge or if I am better suited just sitting on the sidelines. Because it's not just my personal feelings and well-being involved in this, there are others as well.
The thing is, I will feel like I'm hearing from God, telling me one thing and then I will be like, wait, that can't be right! I'm scared because I feel like I can't trust my feelings, that they will only lead to destruction, so I must turn to God, who I'm not sure is even saying anything at this point. I don't want to be stuck in the limbo stage anymore because I feel it's only going to bring destruction if I continue on in it. The gray area, the yellow line, isn't one that is trodden easily and eventually it's going to hurt someone...
Anyways, that is where I am at right now. I am also very hungry due to the fact that I haven't eaten dinner yet. I should perhaps find something to eat so I'm not totally starving when the family finally decides to go to Red Robin :) In the meantime I am listening to the faint cries of my dad and brother as they battle World 9 in Mario and as my thoughts continue to come out as a blur I am trusting God, trusting that He will reveal what I need to go in the coming weeks. In Him I know everything will turn out alright..
Thursday, March 4, 2010
3/4/10 - Spring Break!
Good morning! It is a rainy and misty day here in Kirkland, WA. But that's ok with me! My midterms are over and done with and at exactly 4am tomorrow morning I will be heading to Northern California for my school's choir trip!
Now, at first I wasn't too excited by this but you know what, I'm going to make the most of this trip and I have to say I am pretty stoked to hit up San Fran and go to Chinatown and take the Monorail and just people watch!
So, in the meantime I have a list of things that need to get done between now and 4am... for example:
Paint fingernails
Do laundry
Pack
Go to Target/Ross to find black pants and perhaps a new dress?
Start my paper for my Corinthians class
Return books to the library
Clean my room
Sounds fun, right?! :)
I am SO excited to be out of school for the next 10 days and to have nothing to worry about except for getting sun burned (or rained on in this case since it's been raining the past week in San Fran). Either way, I know God is going to show up in amazing ways this week and I am just so happy to be able to be apart of that. It's going to be a tiring but super fun week (fingers crossed!) and frankly, I'm just excited to escape NU for a while!
So, it is now 11:35am on Thursday and my blog is now done. Off to lunch and then let the madness begin! :)
Now, at first I wasn't too excited by this but you know what, I'm going to make the most of this trip and I have to say I am pretty stoked to hit up San Fran and go to Chinatown and take the Monorail and just people watch!
So, in the meantime I have a list of things that need to get done between now and 4am... for example:
Paint fingernails
Do laundry
Pack
Go to Target/Ross to find black pants and perhaps a new dress?
Start my paper for my Corinthians class
Return books to the library
Clean my room
Sounds fun, right?! :)
I am SO excited to be out of school for the next 10 days and to have nothing to worry about except for getting sun burned (or rained on in this case since it's been raining the past week in San Fran). Either way, I know God is going to show up in amazing ways this week and I am just so happy to be able to be apart of that. It's going to be a tiring but super fun week (fingers crossed!) and frankly, I'm just excited to escape NU for a while!
So, it is now 11:35am on Thursday and my blog is now done. Off to lunch and then let the madness begin! :)
Monday, March 1, 2010
Head Held High.
"Head Held High" by Warren Barfield
They say you learn from your mistakes
Well I guess I should be a genius
For all the times I’ve fallen on my face
Tangled in my weakness
Wishing someone would say
Keep your head held high
Don’t stop believing
You are God’s child
And His strength is stronger than your weakness
Keep your head held high
Well it’s a crying shame
We’re walking around with our secrets
So afraid of what others might think
Living safe and living defeated
Wanting someone to say
We should confess our sin
We should love
Church, it’s time we begin
To build one another up
Come on
Keep your head held high
Don’t stop, don’t stop believing, no
You are God’s child
And His strength is stronger than your weakness
Keep your head held high
Don’t stop, don’t stop believing
You are God’s child
And His strength is stronger than your weakness
Keep your head held high
They say you learn from your mistakes
Well I guess I should be a genius
For all the times I’ve fallen on my face
Tangled in my weakness
Wishing someone would say
Keep your head held high
Don’t stop believing
You are God’s child
And His strength is stronger than your weakness
Keep your head held high
Well it’s a crying shame
We’re walking around with our secrets
So afraid of what others might think
Living safe and living defeated
Wanting someone to say
We should confess our sin
We should love
Church, it’s time we begin
To build one another up
Come on
Keep your head held high
Don’t stop, don’t stop believing, no
You are God’s child
And His strength is stronger than your weakness
Keep your head held high
Don’t stop, don’t stop believing
You are God’s child
And His strength is stronger than your weakness
Keep your head held high
Mountains out of Molehills.
It's funny how big an issue can look when you're in it and then you take a step back and you realize "hey, that wasn't so bad after all!" (Plus, it helps when you have a great mom who will listen to you whenever and about whatever... especially regarding situations that seem to be the central point of conversation for many of the talks).
I am work at the moment. Just finished an iced tall soy latte :) I should probably be working on my book review thingy for New Testament but I felt like a blog was necessary so that I may digest my own thoughts before becoming overwhelmed with the various thoughts of Bruce W. Longenecker (the author of the "Lost Letters of Pergamum").
I had a fantastically amazing weekend! Saturday I slept until the glorious hour of 12:15 in the afternoon. The rest of the day was spent doing homework while conversing with some incredible people. Dinner was eaten with my dear friends Josiah, Trinity, Luke, and Brian in the caf (which happened to serve one of the best meals they have yet to make all semester!) and after a run to Target and a spontaneous trip to the park my Saturday night was quite spent and I was a very happy girl when I finally lay down and falling asleep to the music stylings of Hillsong I was quite at peace (yes, I realize how long that sentence was!).
Yesterday, Sunday I had the pleasure of attending church at Overlake. It was SO SO nice being at a church again without being obligated to sing for hundreds of people. It was nice to sit among the youth of the Student Ministries and just be "Brie" without any previous engagements hanging in the air. Lunch and the rest of the day was spent with the aforementioned Josiah Harmon and his family. It was a splendid time and the night resolved quite successfully.
So, why did I mention being overwhelmed with little situations? Why did I make it a point to address that sometimes we make mountains out of molehills? Because we do. And although yesterday was an amazingly relaxing and enjoyable day, I became victim of this theory and was completely overwhelmed upon reaching Northwest later last night. I was so overwhelmed by this very insignificant situation that I have not been able to stop worrying about it all day until just a few minutes ago when I hung up with my mom.
Our minds over think things to such a great extent sometimes it makes me wonder what God is thinking up there in Heaven when we suddenly become so involved in our own situations...
"My child!" He would say, "Do not worry! You see the fields of flowers and how elegantly dressed they are! How much more do I care about YOU, My child, whom I sent My Son to die for, than those flowers? Do not worry! You are forever under and in My hand. Relax in Me". He would then smile, pick us up, dust us off and kiss us gently on the forehead. Placing us under His hand we would once again begin out journey down this road called life.
Guys, I am the first person to freak out about a situation, to get the butterflies in the stomach and to feel completely overwhelmed. But it is not worth it! Believe me! God has everything under control, He KNOWS what has happened, what is happening, and what's going to happen. He knows, sees, and controls all and He won't let us fail. Our little finite mistakes are NOTHING compared to the great plan He has for my life, your life, our lives. A very wise woman once told me "We aren't big enough to mess up God's plan for our lives" and I think she was very right. We aren't big enough to mess His purpose, His plan, His way for our life so why do we worry and make little things seem bigger than they are?
With God we have nothing to fear, even the past, even the future.
I am work at the moment. Just finished an iced tall soy latte :) I should probably be working on my book review thingy for New Testament but I felt like a blog was necessary so that I may digest my own thoughts before becoming overwhelmed with the various thoughts of Bruce W. Longenecker (the author of the "Lost Letters of Pergamum").
I had a fantastically amazing weekend! Saturday I slept until the glorious hour of 12:15 in the afternoon. The rest of the day was spent doing homework while conversing with some incredible people. Dinner was eaten with my dear friends Josiah, Trinity, Luke, and Brian in the caf (which happened to serve one of the best meals they have yet to make all semester!) and after a run to Target and a spontaneous trip to the park my Saturday night was quite spent and I was a very happy girl when I finally lay down and falling asleep to the music stylings of Hillsong I was quite at peace (yes, I realize how long that sentence was!).
Yesterday, Sunday I had the pleasure of attending church at Overlake. It was SO SO nice being at a church again without being obligated to sing for hundreds of people. It was nice to sit among the youth of the Student Ministries and just be "Brie" without any previous engagements hanging in the air. Lunch and the rest of the day was spent with the aforementioned Josiah Harmon and his family. It was a splendid time and the night resolved quite successfully.
So, why did I mention being overwhelmed with little situations? Why did I make it a point to address that sometimes we make mountains out of molehills? Because we do. And although yesterday was an amazingly relaxing and enjoyable day, I became victim of this theory and was completely overwhelmed upon reaching Northwest later last night. I was so overwhelmed by this very insignificant situation that I have not been able to stop worrying about it all day until just a few minutes ago when I hung up with my mom.
Our minds over think things to such a great extent sometimes it makes me wonder what God is thinking up there in Heaven when we suddenly become so involved in our own situations...
"My child!" He would say, "Do not worry! You see the fields of flowers and how elegantly dressed they are! How much more do I care about YOU, My child, whom I sent My Son to die for, than those flowers? Do not worry! You are forever under and in My hand. Relax in Me". He would then smile, pick us up, dust us off and kiss us gently on the forehead. Placing us under His hand we would once again begin out journey down this road called life.
Guys, I am the first person to freak out about a situation, to get the butterflies in the stomach and to feel completely overwhelmed. But it is not worth it! Believe me! God has everything under control, He KNOWS what has happened, what is happening, and what's going to happen. He knows, sees, and controls all and He won't let us fail. Our little finite mistakes are NOTHING compared to the great plan He has for my life, your life, our lives. A very wise woman once told me "We aren't big enough to mess up God's plan for our lives" and I think she was very right. We aren't big enough to mess His purpose, His plan, His way for our life so why do we worry and make little things seem bigger than they are?
With God we have nothing to fear, even the past, even the future.
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Hard Days.
Everything seems to be going quite nicely. Then WHAM! I feel like crap. Awesome.
Friggin' mood swings.
GAH.
I just want to find someone who is going to be there for me when I need it most. Someone who will text me just to say "what's up". Someone who will genuinely ask how I'm doing. Someone who will take an interest in my life. Someone who is willing to make the commitment for the long haul and love me for me.
I guess my feelings get ahead of my mind because I thought, for a brief second, I had found that person.
Then the WHAM! moment happens and I am down on my knees and wondering if it'll ever happen to me. That someone, not me, will take the initiative and care about me and ask me the questions.
I guess I just want the feeling that someone of pure happiness that comes from texting or calling you to let you know you're being thought of. It's the smile on your face when you realize they are the perfect person for you. That although they aren't without their faults, their perfections outweigh their imperfections by a landslide. That's the kind of thing I'm waiting for. And right now it doesn't seen like I'll get it.
I just wish I knew what was going to happen. Why did God let me have this feelings? I have never experienced anything like this, so why taunt me with them and then take it away, leaving me wanting and feeling empty? It's not fair. It quite frankly sucks. And I'm sick of feeling this way.
GOD WHY DID YOU LET ME FEEL THIS WAY?!
I really wish I had never had these feelings. Especially since they have led to such disappointment and cruel emotions.
Is this something really too hard to ask for?
I don't know why I feel this way. But I don't like it.
Friggin' mood swings.
GAH.
I just want to find someone who is going to be there for me when I need it most. Someone who will text me just to say "what's up". Someone who will genuinely ask how I'm doing. Someone who will take an interest in my life. Someone who is willing to make the commitment for the long haul and love me for me.
I guess my feelings get ahead of my mind because I thought, for a brief second, I had found that person.
Then the WHAM! moment happens and I am down on my knees and wondering if it'll ever happen to me. That someone, not me, will take the initiative and care about me and ask me the questions.
I guess I just want the feeling that someone of pure happiness that comes from texting or calling you to let you know you're being thought of. It's the smile on your face when you realize they are the perfect person for you. That although they aren't without their faults, their perfections outweigh their imperfections by a landslide. That's the kind of thing I'm waiting for. And right now it doesn't seen like I'll get it.
I just wish I knew what was going to happen. Why did God let me have this feelings? I have never experienced anything like this, so why taunt me with them and then take it away, leaving me wanting and feeling empty? It's not fair. It quite frankly sucks. And I'm sick of feeling this way.
GOD WHY DID YOU LET ME FEEL THIS WAY?!
I really wish I had never had these feelings. Especially since they have led to such disappointment and cruel emotions.
Is this something really too hard to ask for?
I don't know why I feel this way. But I don't like it.
Saturday, January 23, 2010
1/23/2010
I don't deserve the life God has given me, yet He gives it to me freely, without question.... Wow. Incredible... I thank you.
I have officially added another year to my short-lived life. Eighteen came and went, and suddenly I find myself nineteen. Sure, not alot has changed. I look the same, talk the same, think the same.. the one thing that has changed is the fact that I am one step closer to being that adult.. you know, that adult who is responsible, independent, and just well, "grown-up"? Yep, that's me.. one step closer. And it's freaking me out!
It's funny thinking back to the first grade, thinking "Wow, when I turn eighteen I'm going to be soooo old!" I had imagined what I was going to look like, what my life would be like. My life has actually become what I thought it would.. I am in college loving (and sometimes hating) it. It really makes me laugh to think back what I thought I would look like. I had imagined a long blonde-haired, glasses-wearing, very professional looking young woman. I though that when I turned eighteen, that would be the pinnacle; I would finally be that adult. Independent and most likely famous (the dream of peforming on Broadway in New York was always a fantasy I had).
Looking in the mirror it's funny to see the kind of young adult I have become. I do have blonde hair, but the glasses have been replaced with contacts, and the professional has been replaced with...the laid back? And I certainly am not completely independent, and most definately not famous.
My childhood dream of becoming a veteranarian is far from view, replaced with the calling to be a missionary. I'm still the somewhat quiet but silly girl who loves God with all my heart. I am still grateful for the friends and family that surround me, although the friends are not all the same. I think though, I am even more in awe of how amazing the people that surround me are. They are the most gracious, loving, caring, and God-fearing people I have ever met. Honestly, I am honored to be apart of their lives.. it astounds me that God has blessed me with a fantastically wonderful family and group of peers. Truly, I cannot imagine how I ever came to deserve them. :)
This has been one of the most singularly incredible birthdays I have ever had. Even without the presents or balloons, just knowing that my friends care about me that much and would really do anything for me is amazingly humbling; I am soooo, sooo, sooo blessed.
Anyways, now I sit at my desk at NU listening to the epic music stylings of Roman Holiday and hoping my homework will get done by itself (it never hurts to hope!) :P
Family, friends - thanks for being such an incredible part of my life! You don't know how much I appreciate you!
I have officially added another year to my short-lived life. Eighteen came and went, and suddenly I find myself nineteen. Sure, not alot has changed. I look the same, talk the same, think the same.. the one thing that has changed is the fact that I am one step closer to being that adult.. you know, that adult who is responsible, independent, and just well, "grown-up"? Yep, that's me.. one step closer. And it's freaking me out!
It's funny thinking back to the first grade, thinking "Wow, when I turn eighteen I'm going to be soooo old!" I had imagined what I was going to look like, what my life would be like. My life has actually become what I thought it would.. I am in college loving (and sometimes hating) it. It really makes me laugh to think back what I thought I would look like. I had imagined a long blonde-haired, glasses-wearing, very professional looking young woman. I though that when I turned eighteen, that would be the pinnacle; I would finally be that adult. Independent and most likely famous (the dream of peforming on Broadway in New York was always a fantasy I had).
Looking in the mirror it's funny to see the kind of young adult I have become. I do have blonde hair, but the glasses have been replaced with contacts, and the professional has been replaced with...the laid back? And I certainly am not completely independent, and most definately not famous.
My childhood dream of becoming a veteranarian is far from view, replaced with the calling to be a missionary. I'm still the somewhat quiet but silly girl who loves God with all my heart. I am still grateful for the friends and family that surround me, although the friends are not all the same. I think though, I am even more in awe of how amazing the people that surround me are. They are the most gracious, loving, caring, and God-fearing people I have ever met. Honestly, I am honored to be apart of their lives.. it astounds me that God has blessed me with a fantastically wonderful family and group of peers. Truly, I cannot imagine how I ever came to deserve them. :)
This has been one of the most singularly incredible birthdays I have ever had. Even without the presents or balloons, just knowing that my friends care about me that much and would really do anything for me is amazingly humbling; I am soooo, sooo, sooo blessed.
Anyways, now I sit at my desk at NU listening to the epic music stylings of Roman Holiday and hoping my homework will get done by itself (it never hurts to hope!) :P
Family, friends - thanks for being such an incredible part of my life! You don't know how much I appreciate you!
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Resolutions..
I Have Found by Kim Walker
I have found a peace that plows on through the storm.
I have found a joy that jumps over sadness.
I have found a love that lights up every room.
I have found, I've found You!
You are all I want, You are all I need,
Everything my heart could hope for.
We are longing for, the Glory of the Lord,
Cause we know there's so much more!
I have found a trust that teaches how to rest.
I have found a grace that guides me by the hand.
I have found a strength that stands like a mountain.
And I have found, I've found You!
-------------------------------------------------
In the beginning God created the Heavens and the earth. In the beginning God created mankind, made in His image, perfect and pure. Then, with one bite death enters the world. The creation has become tainted. But God in all His glory makes a promise - a promise they we will one day, once again, be able to be in His presence clean and pure, justified, stains removed.
Today, although we still struggle with sins and temptations, we can have hope. Why? Because the Creator of the universe has given us a Savior that has saved us from being eternally separated from God. God has redeemed our sins and made us once again clean and pure.
We wrestle with the things of this world and we struggle with fleshly desires and sins. We forget about the big picture and what God has done for us. We forget that God sacrificed His own flesh and blood, His only Son do die for us so that we, His unrighteous children could once again find favor in His sight, that in His eyes we can once again be found righteous.
God is the Lover of our hearts, our souls. He longs for relationship with us and will stop at nothing in order to have that relationship. The thing about God though is that He won't push us. God, my friends, is a gentleman and although He so desperately longs for a relationship, He won't push into something we aren't ready for.
My goal is wake up every morning, knowing that God loves me. My prayer is that, just how God is the Lover of my heart and soul, that I would be the lover of His. That I would intentionally seek Him, that I would realize everyday that He is the only one that can fill my soul, that no other thing will do. That I would wake up, praises on my lips, scripture on my heart, and filled with joy. That He would be the only thing I long for, hope for, knowing that He is so much more than anything on this planet earth.
I want God to be my everything.
I have found a peace that plows on through the storm.
I have found a joy that jumps over sadness.
I have found a love that lights up every room.
I have found, I've found You!
You are all I want, You are all I need,
Everything my heart could hope for.
We are longing for, the Glory of the Lord,
Cause we know there's so much more!
I have found a trust that teaches how to rest.
I have found a grace that guides me by the hand.
I have found a strength that stands like a mountain.
And I have found, I've found You!
-------------------------------------------------
In the beginning God created the Heavens and the earth. In the beginning God created mankind, made in His image, perfect and pure. Then, with one bite death enters the world. The creation has become tainted. But God in all His glory makes a promise - a promise they we will one day, once again, be able to be in His presence clean and pure, justified, stains removed.
Today, although we still struggle with sins and temptations, we can have hope. Why? Because the Creator of the universe has given us a Savior that has saved us from being eternally separated from God. God has redeemed our sins and made us once again clean and pure.
We wrestle with the things of this world and we struggle with fleshly desires and sins. We forget about the big picture and what God has done for us. We forget that God sacrificed His own flesh and blood, His only Son do die for us so that we, His unrighteous children could once again find favor in His sight, that in His eyes we can once again be found righteous.
God is the Lover of our hearts, our souls. He longs for relationship with us and will stop at nothing in order to have that relationship. The thing about God though is that He won't push us. God, my friends, is a gentleman and although He so desperately longs for a relationship, He won't push into something we aren't ready for.
My goal is wake up every morning, knowing that God loves me. My prayer is that, just how God is the Lover of my heart and soul, that I would be the lover of His. That I would intentionally seek Him, that I would realize everyday that He is the only one that can fill my soul, that no other thing will do. That I would wake up, praises on my lips, scripture on my heart, and filled with joy. That He would be the only thing I long for, hope for, knowing that He is so much more than anything on this planet earth.
I want God to be my everything.
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Blessings. (a.k.a. to sum up the recent days...)
God is so much bigger than our situation.
The last couple days have been a whirlwind to say the least. Finals, friends, and overall school and relationship stuff has been really weighing my thoughts the last couple of days...
For those who know me and have seen me get nervous, I must admit, I am not the funnest person. My stomach develops a pit in it, my thoughts wander and I am really distracted, my palms sweat and my hands shake. It's just not pretty.
The last couple of days I have fallen prey to this disease and let me tell you, it's not fun. Stress does weird things to people, especially to people like me who over-analyze everything.
The good news is my friends, God works everything out for our good. He hears our prayers and the desires of our hearts. He is a compassionate God who takes pride in His children. God is truly amazing, you guys and I think that is one fact I really tend to take for granted or forget. I forget how good He is and how much He's blessed me with.
Despite the anxiousness I felt this morning, I am now completely at peace in my situation. I realize that God has everything under control and all I have to do is listen and be patient. During this time in my life, I have really come to understand certain things about myself, but I think, I know, there's alot more I need to learn.... but I think that's why I am ok with where I'm at. I have a God who loves, amazing God-sent friends, and a family that sticks with me no matter what. I am so blessed you guys, it's unexplainable. I feel indescribably happy and at peace right now. God's voice is the only one that matters...
So, now I wait. I wait patiently and I wait contently, knowing that God is a great and loving God who knows exactly what I need and when. I wait knowing that His timing is absolutely perfect...
I am blessed.
The last couple days have been a whirlwind to say the least. Finals, friends, and overall school and relationship stuff has been really weighing my thoughts the last couple of days...
For those who know me and have seen me get nervous, I must admit, I am not the funnest person. My stomach develops a pit in it, my thoughts wander and I am really distracted, my palms sweat and my hands shake. It's just not pretty.
The last couple of days I have fallen prey to this disease and let me tell you, it's not fun. Stress does weird things to people, especially to people like me who over-analyze everything.
The good news is my friends, God works everything out for our good. He hears our prayers and the desires of our hearts. He is a compassionate God who takes pride in His children. God is truly amazing, you guys and I think that is one fact I really tend to take for granted or forget. I forget how good He is and how much He's blessed me with.
Despite the anxiousness I felt this morning, I am now completely at peace in my situation. I realize that God has everything under control and all I have to do is listen and be patient. During this time in my life, I have really come to understand certain things about myself, but I think, I know, there's alot more I need to learn.... but I think that's why I am ok with where I'm at. I have a God who loves, amazing God-sent friends, and a family that sticks with me no matter what. I am so blessed you guys, it's unexplainable. I feel indescribably happy and at peace right now. God's voice is the only one that matters...
So, now I wait. I wait patiently and I wait contently, knowing that God is a great and loving God who knows exactly what I need and when. I wait knowing that His timing is absolutely perfect...
I am blessed.
Thursday, December 10, 2009
P is for Purity.
According to the U.S. Department Bureau of Justice Statistics, American students spend approximately $5.5 billion on alcohol a year; that’s more than they spend on soda, tea, milk, juice, coffee or books combined.
-The percent of students reporting street gang presence at school nearly doubled between 1989 and 1995, increasing from 15.3% to 28.4%.
-7 in 10 girls in the U.S. have had sex before the age of 14
-An estimated 2.1 million people began smoking on a daily basis in 1997. More than half of these new daily smokers were younger than age 18.
What does it mean to be a generation that seeks the face of God? What does it look like to be a generation that has clean hands and pure hearts, which goes against the flow and follows hard after God no matter what the world may say? It certainly isn’t what the stats exhibit.
Today is the day to rise up and become that Pure Generation. Today I want to persuade you to be that generation.
1 John 3 says “Behold what manner of love the Father has bestowed on us, that we should be called children of God! Therefore the world does not know us, because it did not know Him. Beloved, now we are children of God; and it has not been revealed what we shall be, but we know when He is revealed, we shall be like Him, for we shall see Him as He is. And everyone who has this hope in Him purifies himself, just as He is pure”.
Pastors all over the U.S. and other parts of the world have pushed the “pure movement” but I think a lot of people fail to realize that purity isn’t just about not having sex before marriage, its WAY more!
God wants us to be pure in not only our “love lives” but with our spiritual, physical, and mental “lives” as well. And this doesn’t just include your thought process. Purity isn’t a sex thing, or just a head thing, it’s a heart thing.
My life is patterned with moments of un-pureness. I have gotten mad at my roommate, my parents, my brother, my friends, you name someone, and I have probably gotten frustrated with them at least once. My driving habits could do with a little more purity; tailgating or yelling at the driver in front of me is probably not something that brings my God joy, let alone a smile. Thinking not so pure thoughts about a professor that has really gotten on my nerves probably not the most God-like thing I could have done. Gossiping with girls on my floor, not probably the most loving thing to do.
Pure comes from the Greek word Hagnos (Hag-noss), meaning clean, modest, undefiled, morally faultless and without blemish. And it actually comes from the same root as the word Hagious, meaning holy. Through God’s grace and compassion, and the sending of His Son down, through Jesus Christ’s sacrifice and unconditional love we now have the capacity to mimic Jesus, to be holy as He is holy. We can now strive after what’s right because we know the “greener” side.
So, purity, what does that mean? Purity comes in many different forms. The New Testament frequently talks about loving purely. 1 Peter 1 talks about loving sincerely and loving each other with a pure heart and not just that special someone, but loving everyone. Jesus talks about “loving others just as you love yourself” but what does this actually look like? Loving someone doesn’t have to be showing physical affection! How about buying the person in back of you their coffee at the Aerie or Starbucks? How about thanking your professor after a lecture for putting the time to teach? How about thanking the people who do the dishes at Caf for being so giving of their time and appreciating their work?
Actions are another aspect where purity can take root. Actions are based on intentions, so really making sure our intentions are pure is a good start. When you cut that person off on the freeway, what was your intent?
My mom growing up would constantly ask us if we were unsure about a situation “What are you committed to cause?” So what are we committed to cause as followers of Christ, as students, as friends, as boyfriends, as girlfriends, as employees, as people? What are the intentions behind our actions? What were we committed to cause when we cut off that car on the freeway, when we got mad at a friend, when we cheated on that exam, when we told that little white lie? What were we committed to cause? Were we trying to make ourselves look better, put someone down, or were we trying to be the “Jesus” in that situation?
For my Christian Thought I like, I’m sure many of you, had to read Ortberg’s “Life You’ve Always Wanted”. In this book Ortberg talks about living with a well-ordered heart. This chapter really hit home for me because I know I can kind of put God and purity on the back burner in my life. And it’s not about being pure AND living life, it’s about being pure WHILE living life. Incorporating purity into our daily routines and not just doing it to check it off our to-do list. Ortberg says that “when the heart is well-ordered it is not only increasingly free from sin, but also increasingly free from the desire to sin”. What does this mean? It means that when we can put God back on the pedestal where He belongs, the pursuit of purity gets easier, and this is how we are able to attain holiness, just as He is holy. Imagine a world filled with people who are all pursuing holiness and purity. Tabloids sold at grocery stores would be filled with stories about acts of lavish generosity and spontaneous sacrifice committed by noncelebrities we have never heard of. Television shows would be about men who secretly desire to dress as men. People would ask “how are you?” and really want to know what’s going on in the other person’s life. Intentions would be focused on what’s pleasing to God and edifying to other people, rather than us.
How can we start living a life of purity? So glad you asked!
Number one: begin to become more aware of your surroundings and the situations around you. A lot of the time with school and stress we will get so caught up in the “big” things that we won’t focus on the little things. We will talk and think without even realizing what we’re doing until it’s too late. Solution? Become more attentive to the things that are going on around you. Ask God to open up not only your physical eyes but your spiritual eyes as well. Only through becoming more aware will we be able to notice how we’re actually acting and what we’re actually saying.
Number two: read your bible. The only way we can ever to be holy, just as He is holy is to actually find out how Jesus acted. By reading the Gospels we can learn how Jesus went about treating and talking to other people. Only by really digging into scripture are we able to see what Christ was committed to cause.
The life of pursuing purity isn’t an easy and sometimes isn’t the most fun one. I know I have had to back out of situations where I know I wouldn’t have able to pursue pure things, like a late night movie where the movie really isn’t the best I could be watching, or not hanging out with a group of friends that would be inevitably be drinking before the night was through. Sometimes yeah, we might not feel that “cool”, but then we have to ask ourselves, what’s cool? For me, I always have to come back to the fact that God’s ways are so much cooler than anything else, and I know that pursuing His ways will lead me to something so much better than the world has to offer, and let me tell you, the reward is so much greater!
Today, I persuade you, no I challenge you to be the Pure generation. To go against the flow and pursue purity! Believe me, its well worth it!
-The percent of students reporting street gang presence at school nearly doubled between 1989 and 1995, increasing from 15.3% to 28.4%.
-7 in 10 girls in the U.S. have had sex before the age of 14
-An estimated 2.1 million people began smoking on a daily basis in 1997. More than half of these new daily smokers were younger than age 18.
What does it mean to be a generation that seeks the face of God? What does it look like to be a generation that has clean hands and pure hearts, which goes against the flow and follows hard after God no matter what the world may say? It certainly isn’t what the stats exhibit.
Today is the day to rise up and become that Pure Generation. Today I want to persuade you to be that generation.
1 John 3 says “Behold what manner of love the Father has bestowed on us, that we should be called children of God! Therefore the world does not know us, because it did not know Him. Beloved, now we are children of God; and it has not been revealed what we shall be, but we know when He is revealed, we shall be like Him, for we shall see Him as He is. And everyone who has this hope in Him purifies himself, just as He is pure”.
Pastors all over the U.S. and other parts of the world have pushed the “pure movement” but I think a lot of people fail to realize that purity isn’t just about not having sex before marriage, its WAY more!
God wants us to be pure in not only our “love lives” but with our spiritual, physical, and mental “lives” as well. And this doesn’t just include your thought process. Purity isn’t a sex thing, or just a head thing, it’s a heart thing.
My life is patterned with moments of un-pureness. I have gotten mad at my roommate, my parents, my brother, my friends, you name someone, and I have probably gotten frustrated with them at least once. My driving habits could do with a little more purity; tailgating or yelling at the driver in front of me is probably not something that brings my God joy, let alone a smile. Thinking not so pure thoughts about a professor that has really gotten on my nerves probably not the most God-like thing I could have done. Gossiping with girls on my floor, not probably the most loving thing to do.
Pure comes from the Greek word Hagnos (Hag-noss), meaning clean, modest, undefiled, morally faultless and without blemish. And it actually comes from the same root as the word Hagious, meaning holy. Through God’s grace and compassion, and the sending of His Son down, through Jesus Christ’s sacrifice and unconditional love we now have the capacity to mimic Jesus, to be holy as He is holy. We can now strive after what’s right because we know the “greener” side.
So, purity, what does that mean? Purity comes in many different forms. The New Testament frequently talks about loving purely. 1 Peter 1 talks about loving sincerely and loving each other with a pure heart and not just that special someone, but loving everyone. Jesus talks about “loving others just as you love yourself” but what does this actually look like? Loving someone doesn’t have to be showing physical affection! How about buying the person in back of you their coffee at the Aerie or Starbucks? How about thanking your professor after a lecture for putting the time to teach? How about thanking the people who do the dishes at Caf for being so giving of their time and appreciating their work?
Actions are another aspect where purity can take root. Actions are based on intentions, so really making sure our intentions are pure is a good start. When you cut that person off on the freeway, what was your intent?
My mom growing up would constantly ask us if we were unsure about a situation “What are you committed to cause?” So what are we committed to cause as followers of Christ, as students, as friends, as boyfriends, as girlfriends, as employees, as people? What are the intentions behind our actions? What were we committed to cause when we cut off that car on the freeway, when we got mad at a friend, when we cheated on that exam, when we told that little white lie? What were we committed to cause? Were we trying to make ourselves look better, put someone down, or were we trying to be the “Jesus” in that situation?
For my Christian Thought I like, I’m sure many of you, had to read Ortberg’s “Life You’ve Always Wanted”. In this book Ortberg talks about living with a well-ordered heart. This chapter really hit home for me because I know I can kind of put God and purity on the back burner in my life. And it’s not about being pure AND living life, it’s about being pure WHILE living life. Incorporating purity into our daily routines and not just doing it to check it off our to-do list. Ortberg says that “when the heart is well-ordered it is not only increasingly free from sin, but also increasingly free from the desire to sin”. What does this mean? It means that when we can put God back on the pedestal where He belongs, the pursuit of purity gets easier, and this is how we are able to attain holiness, just as He is holy. Imagine a world filled with people who are all pursuing holiness and purity. Tabloids sold at grocery stores would be filled with stories about acts of lavish generosity and spontaneous sacrifice committed by noncelebrities we have never heard of. Television shows would be about men who secretly desire to dress as men. People would ask “how are you?” and really want to know what’s going on in the other person’s life. Intentions would be focused on what’s pleasing to God and edifying to other people, rather than us.
How can we start living a life of purity? So glad you asked!
Number one: begin to become more aware of your surroundings and the situations around you. A lot of the time with school and stress we will get so caught up in the “big” things that we won’t focus on the little things. We will talk and think without even realizing what we’re doing until it’s too late. Solution? Become more attentive to the things that are going on around you. Ask God to open up not only your physical eyes but your spiritual eyes as well. Only through becoming more aware will we be able to notice how we’re actually acting and what we’re actually saying.
Number two: read your bible. The only way we can ever to be holy, just as He is holy is to actually find out how Jesus acted. By reading the Gospels we can learn how Jesus went about treating and talking to other people. Only by really digging into scripture are we able to see what Christ was committed to cause.
The life of pursuing purity isn’t an easy and sometimes isn’t the most fun one. I know I have had to back out of situations where I know I wouldn’t have able to pursue pure things, like a late night movie where the movie really isn’t the best I could be watching, or not hanging out with a group of friends that would be inevitably be drinking before the night was through. Sometimes yeah, we might not feel that “cool”, but then we have to ask ourselves, what’s cool? For me, I always have to come back to the fact that God’s ways are so much cooler than anything else, and I know that pursuing His ways will lead me to something so much better than the world has to offer, and let me tell you, the reward is so much greater!
Today, I persuade you, no I challenge you to be the Pure generation. To go against the flow and pursue purity! Believe me, its well worth it!
Sunday, November 22, 2009
::.faith communication project.::
For my Christian Thought we were told to explain our faith. We were told we could do anything from writing a song to painting to making a video - I wrote a story....
She had no idea how long she had been walking for. Hours, days, weeks, they all ran together. Her thoughts were a blur between the past, present, and future, but she was determined, determined to make it to the end, to finish this journey, and to see Him.
She stumbled as she pushed her way across the long grasses of the valley. They were so high she couldn’t even see the sky above her. She fell to her knees, crouching on all fours like a weary animal. Doubt clouded her mind for a just a moment, but with a breath of sheer purpose, she got back up, once again making her way across the valley. Her journey had had its lows and highs. She knew she had come a long way from her beginning destination. That seemed like years ago. She remembered the King’s face when he had looked at her from across the courtroom. Whisperers spread across the room like wildfire. The King, who had been brutally murdered only three days before had miraculously been brought back to life again. Oh, yes, the courtroom had been busy with rumors. She had heard about His resurrection and had rushed to the castle without even thinking. Dropping her buckets of water, that she had just filled up, spilling water that had taken her so much effort to get, she ran across the village, down the dusty road, and into the courtroom, pushing past the rest of the people who had heard the same news as she. And there he was. Standing, in His power and grace, in the middle of the room, in a simple white sheet tied across the bottom half of his body. The sheet was muddy and blood stained. It was the same sheet he had been wearing only three days earlier when he had been hanged. The royal guards had tortured Him mercilessly, after the townspeople’s indignant cries to have him killed. She had no idea why the people wanted Him, their king, killed. He had done nothing wrong. She cried for hours after hearing of His punishment. How could they kill Him? He was innocent. Of all things guilty for, perhaps His greatest offense was having loved the town and village people. He had never spoken harshly with anyone; He had offered gifts and jobs to the neediest in the surrounding villages and towns. He had never lifted a hand to harm, only to help. Why did the people not remember the things He had done for them? Blinded by ignorance and pride, they longer saw Him fit for kingship, no longer fit for royalty. The guards had tortured Him and beaten Him senseless, and when He had no more strength left they dragged Him up to the gallows, His fate finally before Him. She had been at His hanging, tears soaking through her clothes. Her heart felt like a rock beneath her chest, she thought she would die along with Him. Placing the rope around her bruised neck, the crowd mocking His pain and good works, cheered and rioted from below. His eyes were closed, and tears ran down his bloodied cheeks. His body didn’t look human, too broken to be anything remotely close to alive. He was dying. She looked at Him, and still found Him beautiful and glorious. He was everything to her. She loved Him like a daughter loves her father. He had found a way into her heart, a way that was now being destroyed by the loud jeering of the crowd. The shouts were becoming more and more deafening, and the guards were taking in the scene with a smile. They pushed Him forward and tightened the rope around His neck. One guard had his hand on a nearby lever which would once and for all rid the kingdom of their king. The King opened His eyes, looking over the crowd until His gaze settled over the girl, the one person in the crowd weeping tears of sorrow for the man on the platform, the man with the rope around His neck. Looking up from the ground, their eyes met. A surge of strong admiration and compassion coursed through her veins and a look of complete love filled His face. I love you. I love My people. The thought came to her suddenly out of nowhere. It wasn’t her thought, but looking at Him standing and looking and her, He nodded. I love you, it repeated. She didn’t know how, but she knew it was His thoughts she was hearing. The cries of the crowd suddenly grew louder, the guard moved his hand on the lever and she looked away. The King was dead.
Her feet were now bleeding as she walked across the uneven ground. The day had turned into night, but no stars lit the sky. The moon seemed suspended in the blackness, unsure if it was supposed to be there or not. Her body ached all over, her hands numb to the biting cold that seemed to be rising from the ground. She came to a part in the valley where the grass wasn’t so high and slumped down, lying curled up on the hard earth. The valley got louder at night. Crickets chirped melodically as wind blew over the tall grass. She suddenly sat up. Something had snapped in the distance. Her body froze in fear. It had sounded like a twig, and she got the distinct feeling someone was close by. The hairs on the back of her neck rose, and her body started shaking in fear. The crickets stopped chirping and the wind suddenly grew quiet. In the complete darkness she looked around her. Looking once more to her left, she was gripped with panic, her breath lost in her lungs. A shadow moved across the grass, drawing closer and closer to where she was sitting. She had been followed, and she knew who it was. The shadow slinked closer still. “My name is Fear”, he hissed. His voice was smooth and poisonous, and she stood up slowly, wanting to run away with everything she had, knowing full well is she did, he could chase her and catch her. The cold night seemed to get colder as she stood, silently staring as the shadow, named Fear closed around her, his breath hot on the back of her neck.
“Why don’t you run?”
“I am not afraid”, she answered with as much strength as she could muster. Her knees were shaking.
“Where are you going?” his voice was soothing.
She didn’t answer.
“Why do you continue to strive toward the good?” his voice was rising to a shout, “why are you willing to sacrifice everything for this king?”
She took a step, licking her lips. “You have no power over me”.
“No power? Where is your beloved king now?” he laughed.
Looking around, she felt suddenly very alone. In the darkness, she knew she was by herself. She had been by herself for a long time. The journey, this quest, had given her nothing but heartbreak. She took a step forward toward Fear, who was now standing directly in front of her, his yellow eyes glistening in the darkness. He smiled and stretched out his hand. “I can help you”.
She looked up at the still starless sky. What was she to do? Slowly she lifted her hand. I love you. She stopped, her hand frozen in midair. The shadow took a breath. I love you. Her heart leapt. I don’t know the way, she thought. I will show you, the voice replied. She had heard that voice before. She knew it could be trusted.
She drew hand back, staring all the while at Fear, whose eyes were electric, their color changing to red, and sparks flying. With a step he lunged toward her. She jumped aside just in the nick of time. She fell and began crawling away as fast as her legs and arms could carry her. She suddenly felt a strong clammy hand on the back of her neck, and couldn’t breathe. She stopped moving, her hands wriggling with the shadow’s hand that was now gripping even tighter around her.
“Now, you will die”, he hissed in her ear. Picking her up by the scruff of her neck he held her suspended in the air, their eyes fixed. The darkness was turning into a bluish haze; white spots of light surrounded her. She couldn’t breathe. Help me, she thought frantically. Nothing happened.
“Help me!” she screamed, although no sound came out, the shadow’s grip tightening even more. She choked and started flailing around, her strength was dwindling. HELP ME!
The shadow’s eyes suddenly looked scared, and his grip loosened. Grabbing at the opportunity, she wriggled free of his grasp and dropped to the ground. Looking behind her, a bright light was drawing closer and closer to where she and the Fear stood. He screamed in distress and started to run away. The light got brighter and closer until it was on top of the girl. It raced past her and toward the fleeing shadow. The Fear screamed one more time, but his cries were cut short as the light seemed to swallow it up, then there was silence. The light, which was so bright now that she had to turn away, came back toward her. The light was warm, and it heated her frigid body. I have defeated Fear himself, said that familiar voice. I will show you the way. The girl nodded and instantly the light was gone, vanishing into nothing.
“He’s alive! The King’s alive!” The crowd was cheering in the streets. Looking up from her work, the girl’s heart quickened. Running toward the crowd, her mind raced. Alive, how? She thought. She had just seemed him hanged three days earlier. Surely they were wrong.
“What’s going on?” she asked a woman who was hurrying along with the crowd.
“The King, someone spotted him walking on the road back into town. He’s alive!” the woman shouted.
The girl couldn’t believe it. Racing along with the rest of the crowd they made their way up to the castle courtroom, where a throng of anxious townspeople awaited. The royal guards kept the crowd lines at bay as the Royals stood, staring disbelieving at the middle of the courtroom. Searching the faces, the girl looked desperately for the face she wanted to see most. Finally her eyes rested on the person she had seen murdered just three days earlier. His overall physical appearance almost exactly the same, save the bruises on His neck where the ropes had been. He was standing, not saying a thing as the other Royals and townspeople questioned Him. Then, He saw her. Their eyes met and He nodded His head, smiled lovingly and reached out His hand. Instinctually she reached out hers as well, and walked towards Him. The guards shoved her back as she struggled to get to her King.
“Let her through”.
The crowd went silent. The guard turned around to see where the voice had come from. The King was inches from the guard. The guard released the girl, and the King ushered her to the middle of the courtroom. All was silent, thousands of eyes fixed on the King and the girl standing beside Him.
“Three days ago I died. Through an awesome power I have been brought back to life. I have fought with Fear and have come out victorious; death is no more for this young woman. She believed in Me when all other’s scoffed at me and wanted Me dead. Her faith and love have been proved genuine, and it is for her that I have been brought back to life, so that we may communion together”, he stopped and looked at the girl, who was now kneeling before Him, her cheeks tear-stained.
Crouching down, He touched her shoulder and lifted her up to standing. “You believed in Me when no one else did. You have been entrusted with a great journey, one that many have deemed impossible. The way to Paradise is a blessed road”, He smiled and brushed her hair out of her face. Taking her hand in His, He lifted her shaking hand and kissed it. “My child, it is for you I have died. I love you”.
The girl’s eyes filled with tears. The King looked at her then back at the crowd, their faces awestruck and filled with shame. Wordlessly, the King left the courtroom, the girl following. Outside the sun was shining brilliantly in the sky, and earth seemed to be rejoicing in this King’s resurrection. The King stopped and looked back at the girl who was a few steps behind.
“You have been chosen, My daughter”.
“I don’t know the way”, she whispered, still shaking. He took her hand in His and kissed it once more.
“I will show you”. And she knew, deep inside, He would.
“Where will I go?” she asked.
“To Paradise”, he smiled.
“Will you be there?” she asked.
“Yes”.
The girl opened her eyes and looked across the valley. She had been dreaming. Filled with new hope, she knew somehow that her destination was near; she could taste it.
Like so many times before, she pushed herself to standing and began walking once more, something inside her sparked with excitement and anticipation. This day seemed different from the rest.
By the time the sun was high in the sky she had made it across the valley and was now precariously making her way up the summit of a mountain. The trees were thick and she had to often find ways around them in order to make it up. More than once she slipped and fell, sliding down the mountain until she finally regained her footing and she would have to start all over again. Her breathing was becoming more and more labored, but with every fall or stumble, the more determined she became. She screamed in agony as her foot cut across the jagged rocks. She went onto all fours and began the ascent that way. Looking back, she had climbed a far ways but kept going, a pit of purpose indwelling her body as she slowly but surely made her way up. How many hours had she been climbing? She did not know.
Her hands were shaking now, and her knees bloodied. Her throat was dry, and more than once the distant thought of giving up crept into her mind, but still she kept going, knowing that Paradise lie on the other side of this mountain.
The mountain got more treacherous as she reached the peak. She was now on her stomach, using just her arms to pull her up. With one final pull, she reached its peak. Standing up, bloodied and bruised, her mind and body desperately exhausted she looked up. A bright light in front of her and peering into the light she saw a great green field stretching in all directions. The distant sound of a waterfall reached her ears as the glistening sun warmed her body, every ray not only giving her hope but, somehow, peace. Closing her eyes she breathed deeply and she knew where she was. She had reached her destination. This was Paradise. My child, spoke the familiar voice and she opened her eyes. The King was standing right in front of her, His arms spread wide open, waiting for her and she ran to them. Enveloped in the warmest embrace she had ever experienced her body no longer ached. The purest form of peace and restoration coursed through her, now, unbroken body, her health restored. No longer did her knees shake, or her hands pulse with pain. Her head no longer was filled with doubt or even determination, only happiness remained, unquenchable happiness.
The King released her from their embrace and looked down at her, His face spread wide in a kind smile. “Well done, My good, my amazing, my upmost faithful servant”.
Tears, not of pain or sadness, but of joy sprang to her eyes. Taking her by the hand, He led her into the light, the green acres of Paradise before them. Her journey had ended and she was finally home.
She had no idea how long she had been walking for. Hours, days, weeks, they all ran together. Her thoughts were a blur between the past, present, and future, but she was determined, determined to make it to the end, to finish this journey, and to see Him.
She stumbled as she pushed her way across the long grasses of the valley. They were so high she couldn’t even see the sky above her. She fell to her knees, crouching on all fours like a weary animal. Doubt clouded her mind for a just a moment, but with a breath of sheer purpose, she got back up, once again making her way across the valley. Her journey had had its lows and highs. She knew she had come a long way from her beginning destination. That seemed like years ago. She remembered the King’s face when he had looked at her from across the courtroom. Whisperers spread across the room like wildfire. The King, who had been brutally murdered only three days before had miraculously been brought back to life again. Oh, yes, the courtroom had been busy with rumors. She had heard about His resurrection and had rushed to the castle without even thinking. Dropping her buckets of water, that she had just filled up, spilling water that had taken her so much effort to get, she ran across the village, down the dusty road, and into the courtroom, pushing past the rest of the people who had heard the same news as she. And there he was. Standing, in His power and grace, in the middle of the room, in a simple white sheet tied across the bottom half of his body. The sheet was muddy and blood stained. It was the same sheet he had been wearing only three days earlier when he had been hanged. The royal guards had tortured Him mercilessly, after the townspeople’s indignant cries to have him killed. She had no idea why the people wanted Him, their king, killed. He had done nothing wrong. She cried for hours after hearing of His punishment. How could they kill Him? He was innocent. Of all things guilty for, perhaps His greatest offense was having loved the town and village people. He had never spoken harshly with anyone; He had offered gifts and jobs to the neediest in the surrounding villages and towns. He had never lifted a hand to harm, only to help. Why did the people not remember the things He had done for them? Blinded by ignorance and pride, they longer saw Him fit for kingship, no longer fit for royalty. The guards had tortured Him and beaten Him senseless, and when He had no more strength left they dragged Him up to the gallows, His fate finally before Him. She had been at His hanging, tears soaking through her clothes. Her heart felt like a rock beneath her chest, she thought she would die along with Him. Placing the rope around her bruised neck, the crowd mocking His pain and good works, cheered and rioted from below. His eyes were closed, and tears ran down his bloodied cheeks. His body didn’t look human, too broken to be anything remotely close to alive. He was dying. She looked at Him, and still found Him beautiful and glorious. He was everything to her. She loved Him like a daughter loves her father. He had found a way into her heart, a way that was now being destroyed by the loud jeering of the crowd. The shouts were becoming more and more deafening, and the guards were taking in the scene with a smile. They pushed Him forward and tightened the rope around His neck. One guard had his hand on a nearby lever which would once and for all rid the kingdom of their king. The King opened His eyes, looking over the crowd until His gaze settled over the girl, the one person in the crowd weeping tears of sorrow for the man on the platform, the man with the rope around His neck. Looking up from the ground, their eyes met. A surge of strong admiration and compassion coursed through her veins and a look of complete love filled His face. I love you. I love My people. The thought came to her suddenly out of nowhere. It wasn’t her thought, but looking at Him standing and looking and her, He nodded. I love you, it repeated. She didn’t know how, but she knew it was His thoughts she was hearing. The cries of the crowd suddenly grew louder, the guard moved his hand on the lever and she looked away. The King was dead.
Her feet were now bleeding as she walked across the uneven ground. The day had turned into night, but no stars lit the sky. The moon seemed suspended in the blackness, unsure if it was supposed to be there or not. Her body ached all over, her hands numb to the biting cold that seemed to be rising from the ground. She came to a part in the valley where the grass wasn’t so high and slumped down, lying curled up on the hard earth. The valley got louder at night. Crickets chirped melodically as wind blew over the tall grass. She suddenly sat up. Something had snapped in the distance. Her body froze in fear. It had sounded like a twig, and she got the distinct feeling someone was close by. The hairs on the back of her neck rose, and her body started shaking in fear. The crickets stopped chirping and the wind suddenly grew quiet. In the complete darkness she looked around her. Looking once more to her left, she was gripped with panic, her breath lost in her lungs. A shadow moved across the grass, drawing closer and closer to where she was sitting. She had been followed, and she knew who it was. The shadow slinked closer still. “My name is Fear”, he hissed. His voice was smooth and poisonous, and she stood up slowly, wanting to run away with everything she had, knowing full well is she did, he could chase her and catch her. The cold night seemed to get colder as she stood, silently staring as the shadow, named Fear closed around her, his breath hot on the back of her neck.
“Why don’t you run?”
“I am not afraid”, she answered with as much strength as she could muster. Her knees were shaking.
“Where are you going?” his voice was soothing.
She didn’t answer.
“Why do you continue to strive toward the good?” his voice was rising to a shout, “why are you willing to sacrifice everything for this king?”
She took a step, licking her lips. “You have no power over me”.
“No power? Where is your beloved king now?” he laughed.
Looking around, she felt suddenly very alone. In the darkness, she knew she was by herself. She had been by herself for a long time. The journey, this quest, had given her nothing but heartbreak. She took a step forward toward Fear, who was now standing directly in front of her, his yellow eyes glistening in the darkness. He smiled and stretched out his hand. “I can help you”.
She looked up at the still starless sky. What was she to do? Slowly she lifted her hand. I love you. She stopped, her hand frozen in midair. The shadow took a breath. I love you. Her heart leapt. I don’t know the way, she thought. I will show you, the voice replied. She had heard that voice before. She knew it could be trusted.
She drew hand back, staring all the while at Fear, whose eyes were electric, their color changing to red, and sparks flying. With a step he lunged toward her. She jumped aside just in the nick of time. She fell and began crawling away as fast as her legs and arms could carry her. She suddenly felt a strong clammy hand on the back of her neck, and couldn’t breathe. She stopped moving, her hands wriggling with the shadow’s hand that was now gripping even tighter around her.
“Now, you will die”, he hissed in her ear. Picking her up by the scruff of her neck he held her suspended in the air, their eyes fixed. The darkness was turning into a bluish haze; white spots of light surrounded her. She couldn’t breathe. Help me, she thought frantically. Nothing happened.
“Help me!” she screamed, although no sound came out, the shadow’s grip tightening even more. She choked and started flailing around, her strength was dwindling. HELP ME!
The shadow’s eyes suddenly looked scared, and his grip loosened. Grabbing at the opportunity, she wriggled free of his grasp and dropped to the ground. Looking behind her, a bright light was drawing closer and closer to where she and the Fear stood. He screamed in distress and started to run away. The light got brighter and closer until it was on top of the girl. It raced past her and toward the fleeing shadow. The Fear screamed one more time, but his cries were cut short as the light seemed to swallow it up, then there was silence. The light, which was so bright now that she had to turn away, came back toward her. The light was warm, and it heated her frigid body. I have defeated Fear himself, said that familiar voice. I will show you the way. The girl nodded and instantly the light was gone, vanishing into nothing.
“He’s alive! The King’s alive!” The crowd was cheering in the streets. Looking up from her work, the girl’s heart quickened. Running toward the crowd, her mind raced. Alive, how? She thought. She had just seemed him hanged three days earlier. Surely they were wrong.
“What’s going on?” she asked a woman who was hurrying along with the crowd.
“The King, someone spotted him walking on the road back into town. He’s alive!” the woman shouted.
The girl couldn’t believe it. Racing along with the rest of the crowd they made their way up to the castle courtroom, where a throng of anxious townspeople awaited. The royal guards kept the crowd lines at bay as the Royals stood, staring disbelieving at the middle of the courtroom. Searching the faces, the girl looked desperately for the face she wanted to see most. Finally her eyes rested on the person she had seen murdered just three days earlier. His overall physical appearance almost exactly the same, save the bruises on His neck where the ropes had been. He was standing, not saying a thing as the other Royals and townspeople questioned Him. Then, He saw her. Their eyes met and He nodded His head, smiled lovingly and reached out His hand. Instinctually she reached out hers as well, and walked towards Him. The guards shoved her back as she struggled to get to her King.
“Let her through”.
The crowd went silent. The guard turned around to see where the voice had come from. The King was inches from the guard. The guard released the girl, and the King ushered her to the middle of the courtroom. All was silent, thousands of eyes fixed on the King and the girl standing beside Him.
“Three days ago I died. Through an awesome power I have been brought back to life. I have fought with Fear and have come out victorious; death is no more for this young woman. She believed in Me when all other’s scoffed at me and wanted Me dead. Her faith and love have been proved genuine, and it is for her that I have been brought back to life, so that we may communion together”, he stopped and looked at the girl, who was now kneeling before Him, her cheeks tear-stained.
Crouching down, He touched her shoulder and lifted her up to standing. “You believed in Me when no one else did. You have been entrusted with a great journey, one that many have deemed impossible. The way to Paradise is a blessed road”, He smiled and brushed her hair out of her face. Taking her hand in His, He lifted her shaking hand and kissed it. “My child, it is for you I have died. I love you”.
The girl’s eyes filled with tears. The King looked at her then back at the crowd, their faces awestruck and filled with shame. Wordlessly, the King left the courtroom, the girl following. Outside the sun was shining brilliantly in the sky, and earth seemed to be rejoicing in this King’s resurrection. The King stopped and looked back at the girl who was a few steps behind.
“You have been chosen, My daughter”.
“I don’t know the way”, she whispered, still shaking. He took her hand in His and kissed it once more.
“I will show you”. And she knew, deep inside, He would.
“Where will I go?” she asked.
“To Paradise”, he smiled.
“Will you be there?” she asked.
“Yes”.
The girl opened her eyes and looked across the valley. She had been dreaming. Filled with new hope, she knew somehow that her destination was near; she could taste it.
Like so many times before, she pushed herself to standing and began walking once more, something inside her sparked with excitement and anticipation. This day seemed different from the rest.
By the time the sun was high in the sky she had made it across the valley and was now precariously making her way up the summit of a mountain. The trees were thick and she had to often find ways around them in order to make it up. More than once she slipped and fell, sliding down the mountain until she finally regained her footing and she would have to start all over again. Her breathing was becoming more and more labored, but with every fall or stumble, the more determined she became. She screamed in agony as her foot cut across the jagged rocks. She went onto all fours and began the ascent that way. Looking back, she had climbed a far ways but kept going, a pit of purpose indwelling her body as she slowly but surely made her way up. How many hours had she been climbing? She did not know.
Her hands were shaking now, and her knees bloodied. Her throat was dry, and more than once the distant thought of giving up crept into her mind, but still she kept going, knowing that Paradise lie on the other side of this mountain.
The mountain got more treacherous as she reached the peak. She was now on her stomach, using just her arms to pull her up. With one final pull, she reached its peak. Standing up, bloodied and bruised, her mind and body desperately exhausted she looked up. A bright light in front of her and peering into the light she saw a great green field stretching in all directions. The distant sound of a waterfall reached her ears as the glistening sun warmed her body, every ray not only giving her hope but, somehow, peace. Closing her eyes she breathed deeply and she knew where she was. She had reached her destination. This was Paradise. My child, spoke the familiar voice and she opened her eyes. The King was standing right in front of her, His arms spread wide open, waiting for her and she ran to them. Enveloped in the warmest embrace she had ever experienced her body no longer ached. The purest form of peace and restoration coursed through her, now, unbroken body, her health restored. No longer did her knees shake, or her hands pulse with pain. Her head no longer was filled with doubt or even determination, only happiness remained, unquenchable happiness.
The King released her from their embrace and looked down at her, His face spread wide in a kind smile. “Well done, My good, my amazing, my upmost faithful servant”.
Tears, not of pain or sadness, but of joy sprang to her eyes. Taking her by the hand, He led her into the light, the green acres of Paradise before them. Her journey had ended and she was finally home.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
right now.
Music?
at this moment Jason Reeves.
but most recently, i have also listened to:
Michael Buble, Colbie Caillat, Tenth Ave. North, The Postal Service, The Listening, Muse, City and Colour, and Switchfoot (new album!!).
Thoughts?
grades. am i trying as hard as a could be? tryin' my best not too feel too overwhelmed or too depressed but it's hard sometimes..
Food?
just ate half of a turkey sandwich, apple, and potato salad in le caf.
Feelings?
distracted. look above under "thoughts"..
Plans?
two exams this week, two papers due monday, going to the zoo on saturday :))))
Bible?
rereading 1 Peter... great book :)
Work?
good. slow? really blessed that i can work and do homework at the same time!
Tomorrow?
full day of classes followed by work and hopefully a jamba run...hopefully.
Looking forward to anything?
saturday!! christmas :)
at this moment Jason Reeves.
but most recently, i have also listened to:
Michael Buble, Colbie Caillat, Tenth Ave. North, The Postal Service, The Listening, Muse, City and Colour, and Switchfoot (new album!!).
Thoughts?
grades. am i trying as hard as a could be? tryin' my best not too feel too overwhelmed or too depressed but it's hard sometimes..
Food?
just ate half of a turkey sandwich, apple, and potato salad in le caf.
Feelings?
distracted. look above under "thoughts"..
Plans?
two exams this week, two papers due monday, going to the zoo on saturday :))))
Bible?
rereading 1 Peter... great book :)
Work?
good. slow? really blessed that i can work and do homework at the same time!
Tomorrow?
full day of classes followed by work and hopefully a jamba run...hopefully.
Looking forward to anything?
saturday!! christmas :)
Thursday, November 12, 2009
another day in the life..
Playing Jenga for an entire class period - now that's the college life :)
Let's see... so far my day has consisted of going for a run (couldn't feel my legs by the end of it.. WAY too cold!), going to breakfast with with my amazing floor-mate, Trinity, and indulging in a delicious bowl of Lucky Charms followed by a cup of coffee which I didn't end up drinking because to my dismay the cup hadn't washed thoroughly and the remnants of what looked like hot cocoa were plastered to the sides of the mug. Followed by breakfast was an insightful Old Testament class, in which my prof informed us students that two people of the opposite sex cannot be friends unless they are in it for something.. that something being either, something more than friendship (bf/gf) or the more perverted choice, "benefits". (at this point me and Trinity, who happens to be in this class with me and also happens to have a best friend who is a guy, like me, turned to each other looking appalled) Followed by a very shocking lecture, it was time for speech. Speech = funnest class of the day. Today's class consisted of games...my group's specialty: Jenga. The concentration and focus was like a strong perfume, wafting about the room. No one spoke as each person pulled the next wooden block, praying that God would not make them the person to have to destroy this masterpiece (we got to 30 levels when finally, collapse was inevitable).
Now, I sit. Here in my room. I have two hours until I must work and haven't got much homework to do. Maybe a walk is in my future? Or maybe another bowl of Lucky Charms? :)
Let's see... so far my day has consisted of going for a run (couldn't feel my legs by the end of it.. WAY too cold!), going to breakfast with with my amazing floor-mate, Trinity, and indulging in a delicious bowl of Lucky Charms followed by a cup of coffee which I didn't end up drinking because to my dismay the cup hadn't washed thoroughly and the remnants of what looked like hot cocoa were plastered to the sides of the mug. Followed by breakfast was an insightful Old Testament class, in which my prof informed us students that two people of the opposite sex cannot be friends unless they are in it for something.. that something being either, something more than friendship (bf/gf) or the more perverted choice, "benefits". (at this point me and Trinity, who happens to be in this class with me and also happens to have a best friend who is a guy, like me, turned to each other looking appalled) Followed by a very shocking lecture, it was time for speech. Speech = funnest class of the day. Today's class consisted of games...my group's specialty: Jenga. The concentration and focus was like a strong perfume, wafting about the room. No one spoke as each person pulled the next wooden block, praying that God would not make them the person to have to destroy this masterpiece (we got to 30 levels when finally, collapse was inevitable).
Now, I sit. Here in my room. I have two hours until I must work and haven't got much homework to do. Maybe a walk is in my future? Or maybe another bowl of Lucky Charms? :)
Friday, November 6, 2009
::.moments like these.::
She looked into his eyes. Clarity. Things always seemed to get clearer when she looked into his eyes. The world became real again; unclouded and really, just less confusing. She couldn’t explain it. It’s like when she looked into his eyes, things made sense and she felt.. Home. She felt secure. The way a little girl feels when her dad wraps her up in his arms and tells it’s going to be ok. It was a settling feeling, one of warm feelings and butterflies. His eyes seemed to look deep into her soul and instead of being scared by what he might see, she felt comforted because she knew he would never look away, no matter how ugly she looked on the inside. He would always find her beautiful. He would always find her blameless. Pure.
Silence stretched across the field as they stared at each other. Time stopped, or at least it seemed to. The gusting wind that had been blowing the grass this way and that seemed to blow no more, and the rustling of the leaves seemed to diminish to a whisper while they held their gaze. It was as if the earth itself knew the thoughts of the two people standing in the field, all by themselves, speaking not a word, not daring to break the silent calm that spread between them. They weren’t scared of the silence, they encouraged it. The two people standing in that field had been through a lot with each other. They knew each other like they knew themselves. They were each other’s best friends and there something comforting in their relationship. They knew that no matter what they would always be there for each other. Neither one had to worry about the future of their relationship, nor the past. The present was their closest companion, and it drove them onward.
Moments like these are to be cherished always. The present. The moments when time itself seems to stand still and silence is welcomed and not discouraged. Times when love is not a thought but an action and where one’s eyes express more than what mere words could say. These moments ought to be cherished and remembered, the past never forgotten.
Silence stretched across the field as they stared at each other. Time stopped, or at least it seemed to. The gusting wind that had been blowing the grass this way and that seemed to blow no more, and the rustling of the leaves seemed to diminish to a whisper while they held their gaze. It was as if the earth itself knew the thoughts of the two people standing in the field, all by themselves, speaking not a word, not daring to break the silent calm that spread between them. They weren’t scared of the silence, they encouraged it. The two people standing in that field had been through a lot with each other. They knew each other like they knew themselves. They were each other’s best friends and there something comforting in their relationship. They knew that no matter what they would always be there for each other. Neither one had to worry about the future of their relationship, nor the past. The present was their closest companion, and it drove them onward.
Moments like these are to be cherished always. The present. The moments when time itself seems to stand still and silence is welcomed and not discouraged. Times when love is not a thought but an action and where one’s eyes express more than what mere words could say. These moments ought to be cherished and remembered, the past never forgotten.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Ketchup-Time..
Lisening to Feist, eating pretzels, drinking EmergenC, and knocking back the cold medicine and echinacea.. My life at this moment.
I have been a little remiss in my blogging promises. Not on purpose, I promise you. You know, college has been an even bigger excursion than I thought it would. The late nights, the planning ahead, working around a work schedule, eating around a designed meal plan, allowing oneself to budget in an occassional Starbucks, all the while trying to convince your body that it really isn't sick at all and it can push through until the end of the week without any real rest, are all things I hadn't bargained for. They have, though, inevitably happened, and are, at this very moment, happening.
My life is a sequence of 8:00am alarms, busy days, and random Facebook chats.
It's good :)
I have been a little remiss in my blogging promises. Not on purpose, I promise you. You know, college has been an even bigger excursion than I thought it would. The late nights, the planning ahead, working around a work schedule, eating around a designed meal plan, allowing oneself to budget in an occassional Starbucks, all the while trying to convince your body that it really isn't sick at all and it can push through until the end of the week without any real rest, are all things I hadn't bargained for. They have, though, inevitably happened, and are, at this very moment, happening.
My life is a sequence of 8:00am alarms, busy days, and random Facebook chats.
It's good :)
Sunday, September 27, 2009
great quote speech..
“Every morning you are handed 24 golden hours. They are one of the few things in this world that you get free of charge. If you had all the money in the world, you couldn't buy an extra hour. What will you do with this priceless treasure? Remember, you must use it, as it is given only once. Once wasted you cannot get it back”.
The average person has only approximately 786,240 hours on this planet earth. That’s not a lot of time. I mean, think, we have already used up 157,248 of those hours by the time we reach the age of 18. For me, this realization has something I have really taken to heart these last couple weeks, this realization that I need to live with purpose, with excitement, with awe.
I know I can kind of get into a rut with life. I will wake up, eat breakfast, go to class, go work, do some homework, and go to bed, starting and ending each day the same way as the last. Living sometimes becomes a habitual thing, rather than a chance to find ways to break out of the mold in order to glorify God. Not that following patterns and habits is a bad thing, but when it comes to life, and my daily routine I want it to be more than that.
My old job, working at the Jamba Juice in Marysville, definitely had its low points. My first couple months working there, I absolutely loved it. I loved going to work. Then management changed, and slowly but surely work started becoming something I dreaded going to, rather than something I loved and enjoyed doing. Now, I don’t want to say Jamba is my dream job by any stretch of the imagination, but looking back, I wish I had made my last couple months there more meaningful, and not just gone with the flow and stayed within my “bubble”. I wish I had broken out of the mold and pursued a higher path, something glorifying to God, rather than being dragged down by the gossip, the complaining, and the overall atmosphere of the store. I wish I had popped that bubble.
Same with school. My last two years of highschool were spent in the Running Start program at a local community college. I look back on those two years with a little regret. Not that I was a bad student, or even got in with the wrong crowd. It was the fact that I didn’t engage. I went to class, listened to lectures, and took notes without interacting with my classmates and the people around me. I didn’t take the opportunity to really “witness” and to be that Christly example for the unsaved and broken around me. I let that chance pass me by. I didn’t seize the opportunity to “take life by the horns” as the car company, Dodge, puts it. I didn’t live like there were only 24 hours in the day, only 365 days in the year, and only 100 years, give or take, to make a difference in the world.
For me, this quote serves as a reminder, as motivation to live the normal, day to day activities, like I have never done them before. That I would excited to get up, be thankful for the breath in my lungs, and go to work, to class, even to the caf with a different “spring” in my step. That I would constantly be finding ways to break out of the normal lifestyle in order to find more ways to glorify God with the days He has given me. I want to live excitedly.
The average person has only approximately 786,240 hours on this planet earth. That’s not a lot of time. I mean, think, we have already used up 157,248 of those hours by the time we reach the age of 18. For me, this realization has something I have really taken to heart these last couple weeks, this realization that I need to live with purpose, with excitement, with awe.
I know I can kind of get into a rut with life. I will wake up, eat breakfast, go to class, go work, do some homework, and go to bed, starting and ending each day the same way as the last. Living sometimes becomes a habitual thing, rather than a chance to find ways to break out of the mold in order to glorify God. Not that following patterns and habits is a bad thing, but when it comes to life, and my daily routine I want it to be more than that.
My old job, working at the Jamba Juice in Marysville, definitely had its low points. My first couple months working there, I absolutely loved it. I loved going to work. Then management changed, and slowly but surely work started becoming something I dreaded going to, rather than something I loved and enjoyed doing. Now, I don’t want to say Jamba is my dream job by any stretch of the imagination, but looking back, I wish I had made my last couple months there more meaningful, and not just gone with the flow and stayed within my “bubble”. I wish I had broken out of the mold and pursued a higher path, something glorifying to God, rather than being dragged down by the gossip, the complaining, and the overall atmosphere of the store. I wish I had popped that bubble.
Same with school. My last two years of highschool were spent in the Running Start program at a local community college. I look back on those two years with a little regret. Not that I was a bad student, or even got in with the wrong crowd. It was the fact that I didn’t engage. I went to class, listened to lectures, and took notes without interacting with my classmates and the people around me. I didn’t take the opportunity to really “witness” and to be that Christly example for the unsaved and broken around me. I let that chance pass me by. I didn’t seize the opportunity to “take life by the horns” as the car company, Dodge, puts it. I didn’t live like there were only 24 hours in the day, only 365 days in the year, and only 100 years, give or take, to make a difference in the world.
For me, this quote serves as a reminder, as motivation to live the normal, day to day activities, like I have never done them before. That I would excited to get up, be thankful for the breath in my lungs, and go to work, to class, even to the caf with a different “spring” in my step. That I would constantly be finding ways to break out of the normal lifestyle in order to find more ways to glorify God with the days He has given me. I want to live excitedly.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)